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Martha Stewart vs real women

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Aug 17, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Joined:
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    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Martha's way #1:
    Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
    cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,
    for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch,
    with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Martha's way #2:
    To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the>
    bag with the potatoes.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the
    pantry for up to a year.

    Martha's way #3:
    When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
    use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't
    be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

    Martha's way #4:
    If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
    cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb
    the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
    The Real Women's Way:
    If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's
    too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's
    motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care
    how bad it tastes.

    Martha's way #5:
    Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the
    refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

    Martha's way #6:
    Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before
    baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
    The Real Women's Way:
    The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include
    brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

    Martha's way #7:
    Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and
    rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and
    drink. You might still have the headache, but who
    gives a s---?

    Martha's way #9:
    If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
    dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that
    makes opening jars easy.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

    And finally the most important tip:

    Martha's way #10:
    Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into
    ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
    The Real Women's Way:
    Leftover wine??????
     
  2. Dogman

    Dogman Getting Senior

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    My money's on the real woman by knockout in the first round ;)