Making Babies

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by SARG, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. SARG

    SARG

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    MAKING A BABY...


    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
    decided to use a surrogate father to start their
    family.
    On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith
    kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
    now; The man should be here soon."

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
    baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
    hoping to make a sale.

    Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

    Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in,
    embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

    "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well,
    that's good. Did you know babies are my
    specialty?"

    "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
    Please come in and have a seat"

    After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where
    do we start?"

    "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
    bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple
    on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is
    fun. You can really spread out there."

    "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
    work out for Harry and me!"
    "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
    every time. But if we try several different
    positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
    sure you'll be pleased with the results."

    "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

    "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
    time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes,
    but I' m sure you'd be disappointed with that."

    "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
    out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was
    done on the top of a bus," he said.

    "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
    throat.

    "And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
    when you consider their mother was so difficult to
    work with. "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

    "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to
    the park to get the job done right. People were
    crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

    "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes
    wide with amazement.

    "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more
    than three hours, too.

    The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
    I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
    approached I had to rush my shots.

    Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
    equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they
    actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
    "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
    I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right
    away."

    "Tripod?"

    "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
    Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the
    hand very long."

    Mrs. Smith fainted.........