Lost a 2 month old today

1812 Views 27 Replies 26 Participants Last post by blades012, Apr 13, 2010

blades012

Discussion Starter · Apr 11, 2010

Not a good day at work, being PSOs we respond to all medicals. Had a 2 month old (presumably) drown most likely due to negligence. I was first on scene and immediatly began cpr. He did not make it.

I have a four month old at home and made the situation really hard to deal with.

I am hoping for some words of advice/encouragement to help deal with this.

Thanks

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volsbear

· #2 · Apr 11, 2010 (Edited)

There are no words, man. You did what you could and we all know that. Hug your kid a few hundred extra times and be reminded that another day with our families isn't a guarantee.

Talk to your colleagues, talk to your bosses, talk to a priest/pastor/deacon, talk to your doctor, talk to your spouse, talk to your buddies, talk to a shrink. Hell, talk to your lawnmower. Just talk. Get it out. Process it however you can.

Remember that while our victories are often small, they're far more frequent than what we perceive as failures.

God bless you, buddy.

Ducowti

· #3 · Apr 11, 2010

My advice, easier given than taken, is to be at peace with the fact you did everything in your power to resuscitate him. As the father of a 4wk old (my 1st) I know these situations hit particularly hard, and you can be sad about this, but you can't find fault within. You'll find solace in enjoying and being with your kid(s) as much as possible.

Panzergrenadier1979

· #4 · Apr 11, 2010

I too am a dad with baby #4 on the way.

I hope if/when I'm in a position similar to yours that I will be able to fall back on my training and do my job without thinking.

God bless you for fighting for the child's life. You're a hero in my book.

PinkoCommie

· #5 · Apr 11, 2010

Talk. To us, to your friends, to anyone who is willing to listen. Do not be alone with an experience like this.

And squeeze your kid extra long every time you hold him/her for the next few weeks. I know that when I hear/read/deal with anything that truly upsets me as far as bad things happening to kids, it really helps to squeeze my two year old and my five month old a little more. The two year old is starting to develop a sense of independence and sometimes says "give me some space, daddy", so I know I have to get the hugs in when I can. She is growing much faster than I would like her to. Your kid is young enough that he/she won't protest if you want to get a few extra hugs in. Take advantage of that.

Hang in there, brother.

S.O.Interceptor

· #6 · Apr 11, 2010

I too have a baby and 2 older ones. There is no way to make you feel any better, all we can do is throw words at you, healing takes time and support from loved ones, but be proud knowing that you did everything you could to try to save the babies' life. The world is better off with people like you in it doing this job. As hard as it is, don't let this eat you up inside. Talk to anyone and everyone who will listen, and make the department pay for professional help if you need it. Don't let this turn into a career ender. Say a prayer for the babies' soul (if you pray), and don't hesitate to say one for yourself.

Sgt127

· #7 · Apr 11, 2010

It happens.
You gave it your best shot. No one could have done anything more. I doubt anyone could have tried harder. Will it make you more careful with your own kids? Is it a lesson you can pass on to others? Use the tiny bit of good that can possibly take out of it and, as much as possible, quite trying to think about what you could have done differently. Some things are out of our hands. Period. As much as that sucks, you need to accept that. Get it out of your system as much as possible. Talk to anyone you know and trust. When your time comes, you will not be judged only on what you did, but, the good you tried to do....this is one of those instances.

VHT

· #8 · Apr 11, 2010

There are few words to help... Actually, none can. You can only know in your heart that you did everything you "could" do to make things right and that is all a man can do. And so far as I know, we're still only men...

Sometimes you can do everything as right as right can be, and there could be nothing you could have done differently, and it just still won't change things.

I wish I had better words.... I hope you work through this ok and can come to some peace with it.

This.... is the hard stuff....

CW Mock

· #9 · Apr 11, 2010

There is not a lot we can truly say here in text that will be very profound, other than if you did your best, then that's all you can do. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. You tried, and did your best to give that child a fighting chance.

Keep loving your children, and cherish the moments you have with them.

You have our thoughts and prayers. A lot of us have been here before. A lot more of us will in the future. It's the nature of the game.

msu_grad_121

· #10 · Apr 11, 2010

Repress it. Bury it deep, let it fester inside and manifest itself as a mental illness later on down the road. Its worked out pretty good for me.

Seriously, though, find an outlet. Even if you don't think its getting to you, it is. Talking it out is the best option, but its not for everybody, so if you're not comfortable doing that, find something else. Go shooting, go fishing, watch a funny movie, play some video games, whatever. The important thing is that afterwards you feel more relaxed.

Most importantly, don't stop yourself from thinking about it. I did with something pretty traumatic and it blew up on me. Feel free to PM if you want to know anything further, but trust me when I say that when it comes up in your mind (and it will, from time to time) don't fight it, let yourself think about it, even cry if you need to. If you put off dealing with it, it's only going to be that much worse when it does come to the surface.

If there's anything any of us can do, don't hesitate to ask.

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Patchman

· #11 · Apr 11, 2010

Knowing you did what you could, to the best of your abilities. It wasn't you.

Hack

· #12 · Apr 11, 2010

Talk it over with someone, even if it is just PMing someone who you have gained some trust in on CT. Don't let it fester, as it will hurt you later. I personally know about dealing with bad things, and sometimes you just have to find a good sounding board.

Bad things happen to otherwise good people. The person you worked on was very young and a good person. You did what you humanly could, but there are times when only God can intervene. Sometimes he just takes the kid home from what could have been a young life filled with sorrow. The kid is still alive, just not in the body that carried him, and is with the Father who created him.

This is how I at times look at it. It doesn't make it less sad, as it was a young life ended far short of what we would perceive as being the end for a human.

Talk it out with someone who is physically there. Someone whom you can trust. If you don't go to church, now may be a time to start going so you can find a minister in whom you trust to bare your soul to. If not that, a counselor, a psychologist who deals in counseling, maybe a social worker who counsels adults. Failing that, a fellow officer who has been there.

If you have an EAP in place take advantage of it, it is there for you for times such as these, if you have one available. There are also Christian law enforcement organizations where you can get with people in similar career fields, who may wind up being a supportive bunch, and later you in turn can offer that support.

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. You tried, and like someone else said, "That makes you a hero."

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txleapd

· #13 · Apr 11, 2010

PinkoCommie said:
Talk. To us, to your friends, to anyone who is willing to listen. Do not be alone with an experience like this.

.....

Hang in there, brother.

This.... Simple and effective.

DonGlock26

· #14 · Apr 11, 2010

blades012 said:
Not a good day at work, being PSOs we respond to all medicals. Had a 2 month old (presumably) drown most likely due to negligence. I was first on scene and immediatly began cpr. He did not make it.

I have a four month old at home and made the situation really hard to deal with.

I am hoping for some words of advice/encouragement to help deal with this.

Thanks

Been there, done that......

You can only do the best that you can. We are only humans trying to make a difference. You still have a lot of good left to do, and we all appreciate your efforts.

Don

.

merlynusn

· #15 · Apr 11, 2010

Absolutely, unequivocally DON'T DRINK!!!

When you absolutely need one after a bad call, that starts you on the slippery slope because you're dealing with it with alcohol instead of talking.

Go find a friend, especially someone who was there and talk it out. If you have a CISM/CISD get that going for everyone involved. If you have EAP, go to that. Do something, but talk it over and take the time you need before you go back to work.

seanmac45

· #16 · Apr 11, 2010

There's a balance.

Don't try to forget it because you can't. When you start thinking about the incident again get busy. Fix that cabinet, stop the leaky faucet. Immerse yourself in the life you have with your family.

However, if you find yourself dwelling on it for hours on end, that's no good. Talk to a professional As has been said, if you are dealing with it well, time is the healer. If not, then everyone needs help at one point or another.

I wish you all the best. Appreciate your loved ones each and every day.

cpgor

· #17 · Apr 11, 2010

I cant count the number of infant deaths I've been to. Usually the kid is sleeping with mom and or others and gets suffocated, people are just stupid.

17445

· #18 · Apr 11, 2010

You did what you could, but it is a part of our lives that we have to realize and come to grips and accept that we can't save everybody. As a matter of fact, we probably get to save a lot fewer than we don't save... it is that kind of a world.

Sometimes it's circumstances, sometimes, the victim doesn't want to be saved.

Sorry to hear, do whatever you need to do to get past it, and do it fast. Don't let it simmer and stew. I've seen some bad cases where the officer thought avoidance was a good policy. It isn't.

sargespd

· #19 · Apr 11, 2010

Heavenly Father, I thank you for being a loving God, and for being there for us when the evil and senselessness of our world seem to be overwhelming. I ask that you would help our brother who is suffering today find peace, and strength to continue being the guardian and servant that he has chosen as his profession. I believe that you call some of us to this task, and that when we answer the call, you are there for us, even when we don't realize it. Please watch over all of my brothers and sisters who wear the badge. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

chance3290

· #20 · Apr 11, 2010

blades....give your baby a hug from all of us. You and anyone else who was there need to check on each other (I hope your supervisors are doing this too.). Talk it out.

This happened here about a year ago...negligence. I resisted the overwhelming urge to have the mother inspect the bottom of the full tub from about 15-20 minutes.

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