A man dies and goes to heaven where he is greeted at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. While looking over Saint Peter's shoulder, he can see numerous clocks in heaven. What are all the clocks for, asks the man? Saint Peter said, those are lie clocks. What in the world are lie clocks? Well, everyone on Earth has one and every time you tell a lie, the hands move. For example, that one over there is Mother Teresas clock. The hands on her clock have never moved, meaning she has never told a lie. Thats pretty impressive says the man. Whos is that one over there? Saint Peter looked and then said, that is Abraham Lincolns clock. As you can see, the hands have only moved twice, because he has only told two lies. Dumbfounded, the man then proceeds to ask another question. So, where is John Kerrys clock? Oh, replies Saint Peter. Jesus has John Kerrys clock in his office. He is using it as a ceiling fan.