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Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners... How do you tell the difference?

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by JDThorns, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. JDThorns

    JDThorns

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    Location:
    Monterey Ca
    Pose the following scenario:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
    locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

    You are carrying a Glock .40 handgun, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
    seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    Liberal Answer:

    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?
    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
    send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
    was stabbing me?
    Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted?
    We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
    healthier street. That would discourage such behavior.
    Why is this happening to me?
    I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a
    consensus.
    This is all so confusing!


    Conservative Answer:

    BANG!

    Southerner's Answer :

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click...
    (sounds of reloading).

    Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

    Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it, too."

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
     
  2. StoneGiant

    StoneGiant

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    LMAO!

    But you need to add another "BANG" for each time the Southerner fires (10-round mag, my friend!), and is the "click" the sound of the slide locking in the rearward position?

    :cool:
     

  3. JDThorns

    JDThorns

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    BANG,BANG, Yup locked back