Letter From Don

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by putz, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. putz


    Likes Received:
    Mar 21, 2006
    A progressive young woman wrote a lot of letters to the White House
    complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists) being
    held in Guantanamo Bay.

    She received back the following reply:

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen,

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the
    Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay,

    Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was
    heard loud and clear here in Washington.

    You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like
    yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining
    Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers"
    program, or LARK for short.

    In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to
    place one terrorist under your personal care.

    Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation
    under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

    Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared
    for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
    complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant

    We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care
    for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your

    Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
    sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help
    him overcome these character flaws.

    Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural
    differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
    can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
    clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at
    your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
    explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep
    those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
    sexually), since he views females as a sub-human form of property. This is
    a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
    violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code
    that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

    I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over

    Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
    religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you
    keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of
    Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

    Good luck!

    Cordially, your friend,

    Don Rumsfeld
  2. milkdud


    Likes Received:
    Aug 7, 2003
    NW Florida
    Cost of three square meals per day per terrorist: $65.95

    Cost of laundry per terrorist per week: $25.00

    Cost per "The Koran for Dummies per terrorist
    available at Amazon.com: $14.29 (new)

    Cost of one well-deserved letter to a Liberal: PRICELESS


  3. nwestermier

    nwestermier Short Member

    Likes Received:
    Jun 23, 2006
  4. DriBak

    DriBak GUNS UP Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Jul 4, 1999
    West Texas