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Lets see how many murphys laws please add yours

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by fhp490, Jan 1, 2006.

  1. fhp490


    Likes Received:
    Oct 13, 2005
    Friendly fire - isn't.
    Recoilless rifles - aren't.
    Suppressive fires - won't.
    You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
    A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
    If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
    Do not to look important; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
    If at first you don't succeed, call for the snake
    If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
    Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
    Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
    Never forget that the lowest bidder made your weapon.
    If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
    The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
    The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready When you're not.
    No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
    There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
    A five-second fuses always burn in three seconds.
    There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
    A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
    The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
    The easy way is always mined.
    Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
    Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire Thats why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
    Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
    If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
    When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
    Incoming fire has the right of way.
    No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
    No inspection ready unit has ever lasted in combat.
    If the enemy is within range, so are you.
    The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
    Things that must be shipped together as a set aren't.
    Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.
    Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
    Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both)
    Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
    Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
    Tracers work both ways.
    If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
    When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
    Professional soldiers are predictable but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
    Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
    Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
    Weather isn’t neutral
    If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
    The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
    Napalm is an area support weapon.
    Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
    Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
    The one item you need is always in short supply.
    Interchangeable parts aren't.
    It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to worry about.
    When in doubt, empty your magazine.
    The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
    Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
    If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
    Never stand when you can sit.
    never sit when you can lie down.
    never stay awake when you can sleep.
    Never get wet when you can stay dry
    Never be cold when you can by warm
    The most dangerous thing on the face of the earth is a Second Lieutenant with a grid map and a compass.
    Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
    Everything always works in your HQ; everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
    The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
    One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
    A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
    The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
    Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
    The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
    The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
    Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    No matter which way you have to march, it’s always uphill.
    If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
    For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.(In boot camp)
    Air strikes always overshoot the target.
    artillery always falls short.
    When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
    Those who hesitate under fire usually end up KIA or WIA.
    The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
    To steal information from a person is called plagiarism To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
    The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
    The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after someone else fills that billet.
    When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes weeks to attack .When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
    The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
    A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
    Murphy was a grunt.
    The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
    All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
    The crucial round is a dud.
    Every command, which can be misunderstood, will be.
    There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
    Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do
    If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault
    on, he will bypass you.
    If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
    If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
    Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
    Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
    The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
    The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
    There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
    Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is
    The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an
    unsecured channel.
    Whenever you drop your equipment in a firefight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
    As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it will rain.
    Never tell the First Sergeant you don’t have anything to do.
    The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
    Walking point = sniper bait.
    Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
    If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
    If the enemy is in range so are you.
    Field experience is something you never get until just after you need it.
    All or any of the above combined.
    Bouncing Betty is not a well-endowed girl.
    "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography
    "Aim towards the Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
    Cluster bombing from B52s is very, very accurate The bombs always hit the ground
    It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons
    Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
    Any ship can be a minesweeper once
    "Aim towards the Enemy" -- Instruction printed on US rocket launcher
    When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
    Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate The bombs always hit the ground.
    If the enemy is in range, so are you.
    It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
    Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.
    Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
    Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
    Any ship can be a minesweeper once.
    If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
    It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal
    Tracers work both ways." - US Army Ordnance
    Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
    Any ship can be a minesweeper. .once." - Anon
    Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your comrades
    If you see an eod technician running, try to keep up with him.
    You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach
    The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire
    Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky (From an old carrier sailor)
    If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
    When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene ! of the crash.
    Never trade luck for skill.
    The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are "Why is it doing that?" "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
    If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
  2. Minskin85


    Likes Received:
    Dec 30, 2007
    Portland, Oregon
    january 2006 i know but somehow i ran into this and found it entertaining. a joyful distraction for me. i love you, your my best good friend.

    ....maybe i should go crawl into bed?

  3. Guyver

    Guyver No Doubt!

    Likes Received:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Directly behind that new, cocky 2nd Lieutenant, in your squad, is not the place to be while on patrol.
    The only thing worse than hearing bang when it's supposed to go click, is hearing click when it's supposed to go bang...(ripped off from a members sig somewhere, don't remember where.)
    Love is blind, the law isn't, check her ID.
    If things are going well for you, somebody else is in trouble.
    Turn the other cheek, right after you pull the trigger.
    Don't get even, get makes you smile.
  4. Navy HMC

    Navy HMC

    Likes Received:
    Oct 23, 2005
    Piped ashore
    -What ever can go wrong the most inopportune of times.
    -You can make things waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, but not foolproof.
    -Anything that is thought to be foolproof is never damn foolproof.
    -Never try to make somehting fool proof, if you are successful, mother nature will only make a bigger fool.
    -Murphy is an optomist.

    -The other lane is always going faster.
    -Moving into the other lane will cause it to go slower.
    -Changing lanes again will only piss everyone else off.

    -One of the scariest things ever heard is an Ensign that says "In my experience..."
    -Followed closely by a Chief saying "You guys, watch this shi*!"

    Actaul quote from an ROTC advanced cadet: "Who are you going to listen to, me, who is ALMOST an officer? Or the Sargeant Major, who is ONLY an enlisted man!?" (this cadet was then voted most likely to be his own peacetime.)
  5. Aquanewt


    Likes Received:
    Nov 13, 2001
    Baltimore, MD, USA
    Actaul quote from an ROTC advanced cadet: "Who are you going to listen to, me, who is ALMOST an officer? Or the Sargeant Major, who is ONLY an enlisted man!?" (this cadet was then voted most likely to be his own peacetime.)

    That works the same in Police work. We had a old Sergeant and a brand new Lieutenant who was very politically connected. We were at a rather involved crime scene and of course the Lt is screaming for this and that and generally getting in the way and on everyone's nerves. The Sergeant said to him "Sonny, why don't you get me a cup of coffee and some hot chocolate for yourself and I'll take care of this" Then he added, "Just wait at the station and I'll tell you all about it later" The Lt. left and we did what we had to do. The Sgt commented that in about 10 years when the Lt had to shave he'd be okay.
  6. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
    Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
    If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
    If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
    Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
    The value of a program is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
    Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
    Every non- trivial program has at least one bug
    Corollary 1 - A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
    Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
    Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part is modified.
    The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
    Corollary - A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.
    Lulled into Security Law
    A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
    A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer.
    A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the programmers will blame the customer engineer.
    Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
    Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
    Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers can not write in English.
    The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented quirks.
    The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
    A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
    No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
    Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
    When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
    Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data expands to fill any void.
    If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is guaranteed to crash.
    If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
    No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price will always drop immediately after the purchase.
    All components become obsolete.
  7. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

    Likes Received:
    Jan 15, 2004
    The communist's play ground of OHIO
    If your ambush has gone too well then your the ones who are going to be ambushed.

    Tracers work in both directions.
  8. SergeantC


    Likes Received:
    Dec 27, 2003
    Behind you, watching you type.
    By the time you finally understand your new computer, it's obsolete.
  9. jusrick

    jusrick Initiate Plan R

    Likes Received:
    Sep 6, 2008
    Burpleson AFB
    That made me :rofl:.
  10. major

    major Rejected member

    Likes Received:
    Aug 19, 2001
    Cochrane, Alberta
    Murphy's Law says: When you try to post Murphy's Laws on an internet thread.....all the good ones are already taken.
  11. Trebuchet

    Trebuchet Sláinte !

    Likes Received:
    Apr 30, 2004
    A Smith and Wesson beats four of a kind