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Lawyer Cross-Examines Police Officer

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by yesitsloaded, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. yesitsloaded

    yesitsloaded

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    The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility.....

    Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
    A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

    Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
    A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

    Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
    A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

    Q: 'With your life?

    Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

    A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

    Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
    A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

    Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
    A: 'Yes sir.'

    Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
    A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

    The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
     
  2. Carrys

    Carrys Inquisitive

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    Yep, they'll try it all.

    I remember when I was giving testimony in a trial where I had arrested an ex-world champ heavyweight boxer for DUI, most in my town will know who. I had given him the horizontal gaze nystagmus test and was trying to explain that to the jury:

    Lawyer: How many times did you administer the test officer?

    Me: Once sir.

    Lawyer: But on your forms included with your report, you have TWO test
    forms noted officer. (said with much smugness)

    Me: No sir, only one test.

    Lawyer: So, were you lying or did you simply make up the other test?

    Me: There was no "other test" sir, only the one.

    Lawyer: So why did you include another test in your report, just to embarrass
    or "rail road" my client?

    Me: No sir, there was only one test performed.

    Lawyer: (shuffling through papers) Well, I have the two forms right here!

    Me: Yes sir.

    Lawyer: Ok, it's time to 'fess up! Why did you lie about the report officer?

    Me: I didn't "lie" sir. There was only one test.

    Lawyer: Then why do I have two forms!?

    Me: Because he has two eyes sir. (that's the way our state did it then)

    Lawyer: No further questions.



    It's their job to catch you anyway they can. Just have to keep your wits about you.
     

  3. Resqu2

    Resqu2

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    If your talking about Mike, your lucky your ear is still in one piece :rofl::rofl:
     
  4. Batesmotel

    Batesmotel

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    First rule of trial law: Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to.

    Lawyer: Did you see my client bite the victims ear off?

    Witness: No, I did not.

    Lawyer: Then how can you accuse him of doing it?

    Witness: Because I saw him spit it out.
     
  5. Annoyedgrunt

    Annoyedgrunt Dry Heat my ASS

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    This one is my favorite, between a doctor and lawyer:

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
     
  6. volsbear

    volsbear IWannaBeSedated Lifetime Member

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    Tagged for AWESOMEness.
     
  7. community

    community Member

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  8. lanternlad

    lanternlad Mythmatician

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    Funny Lawyer Questions and Exchanges

    The following funny lawyer questions and witness response were actually said in court during trials.

    1
    This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    Yes.
    And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    I forget.
    You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    2
    Sir, what is your IQ?
    Well, I can see pretty well, I think.


    3
    Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    No.
    Did you check for blood pressure?
    No.
    Did you check for breathing?
    No.
    So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    No.
    How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    4
    When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
    Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

    5
    Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
    It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
    And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
    No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!

    6
    Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
    Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.

    7
    You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch.
    Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it.

    8
    Could you see him from where you were standing?
    I could see his head.
    And where was his head?
    Just above his shoulders.

    9
    What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
    And why did that upset you?
    My name is Susan!

    10
    Now, I'm going to show you what has been marked as State's Exhibit No. 2 and ask if you recognize the picture?
    John Fletcher.
    That's you?
    Yes, sir.
    And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

    11
    Did the lady standing at the driveway subsequently identify herself to you?
    Yes, she did.
    Who did she say she was?
    She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

    12
    Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    We both do.
    Voodoo?
    We do.
    You do?
    Yes, voodoo.

    13
    She had three children, right?
    Yes.
    How many were boys?
    None.
    Were there any girls?

    14
    ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    Oral.

    15
    Were you acquainted with the deceased?
    Yes, sir.
    Before or after he died?

    16
    I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
    Yes.
    How long have you known him?

    17
    What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
    She is my daughter.
    Was she your daughter on February 13 1979?

    18
    Are you sexually active?
    No, I just lie there.

    19
    You went on a rather elaborated honeymoon, didn't you?
    I went to Europe, Sir.
    And you took your new wife?

    20
    ... and what did he do then?
    He came home, and next morning he was dead.
    So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

    21
    What happened then?
    He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
    Did he kill you?

    22
    You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    Yes.
    And these stairs, did they go up also?

    23
    What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    24
    Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
    By death.
    And by whose death was it terminated?

    25
    Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
    I used to be.
    How many times have you committed suicide?
    Four times.

    26
    And where was the location of the accident?
    Approximately milepost 499.
    And where is milepost 499?
    Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

    27
    Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

    28
    ... any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
    The victim lived.

    29
    Can you describe the individual?
    He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Was this a male or a female?

    30
    Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
    No.
    What was he doing with the dog's ears?
    Picking them up in the air.
    Where was the dog at this time?
    Attached to the ears.
     
  9. RyanSBHF

    RyanSBHF Senior Member

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  10. goldenlight

    goldenlight

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:
    I remember this one....except for the LAST LINE. Classic!