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Lance Armstrong Questioned

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Jul 26, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Monday, July 26, 2004
    Lance Armstrong Now Being Questioned By French For Use Of Foreign Substances: Deodorant, Soap

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    Lance Armstrong rode into history Sunday by winning the Tour de France, crossing the finish line in Paris for a record sixth time. Many French took time from their spitting and death threats to now question the cyclist’s use of illegal substances. Questions are now surfacing over items discovered in Armstrong’s possession.

    “During the race, one of our officials accidentally tripped, fell and ended up in Mr. Armstrong’s room.” Said Tour de France official Philippe Houn’re. “While trying to quickly exit the room, he discovered a black bag hidden on the bathroom counter filled with many foreign substances.”

    Officials of the Tour de France note these items may force Armstrong to forfeit this, and previous Tour titles. Leaving no other option but to give the titles to French President Jacques Chirac by default

    The list of items in questions are as follows:

    • Clear (assumed toxic) gel labeled SPEED STICK. Obviously speed enhancing

    • Large foaming block (pill?) labeled ZEST. Perhaps suppository

    • Half tube of substance labeled CREST. Assumedly to allow Armstrong to lift several thousand pounds and leap from tree to tree.

    "We are shocked and dismayed," replied Houn’re. "Le Tour De France is a tradition stretching back over one hundred years. To use these substances - this "soap" - defiles all that we french stand for. It goes against all things French."