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Kids

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, May 12, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
    For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who
    have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not
    yet had children, this is birth control.
    The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,Texas.......
    Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):
    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
    inches deep.
    2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
    blades, they can ignite.
    3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
    enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
    cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
    paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
    5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
    a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
    you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
    ceiling fan.
    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
    late.
    8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year
    old man says they can only do it in the movies.
    10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
    11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
    12. Superglue is forever.
    13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
    walk on water.
    14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
    15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
    they do.
    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
    18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
    like ovens.
    20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time to my
    house.
    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    Kinda makes me not want to have a kid *LOL*