Just for fun... (tell us your funny)

Discussion in 'Cop Talk' started by Memnok, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. Memnok

    Memnok

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    So after remaining conscious through a quiet night shift I found myself taking one last lap around my beat before heading into the barn. As I passed by a new office building under construction I came upon a car stopped in the roadway adjacent to the construction fence.

    Now, this was not too uncommon at this time of morning. The construction gates opened at about 0600, and there were normally several cars waiting in the area to drop off workers. Not in the mood for giving a ticket so close to the end of my shift I started to drive around the stopped car.

    As I passed, I notice that the driver seemed to have fallen asleep behind the wheel, presumably waiting for the gates to open. It was about 0630, and workers could be seen going about there business inside. I chuckled, and thought about this poor sap sleeping away, while his buddies took bets on how long would take him to wake up.

    I backed up, pulled in behind the car, and got out to tell this yahoo it was time to go to work. It was just a wake up call, so I didn't bother calling off with dispatch. I walked up to the car, and looked into the open drivers side window. Imaging my surprise when I see that my sleeping driver has his pants around his knees and his wanker in his hand.

    Time to re-evaluate. And gather evidence! Without waking up sleeping beauty I walked back to my car and grabed the digital camera. I also did what I should have done the first time; notify dispatch.

    I walked back up to the car and took a couple snap shots for the DA’s office. After tossing the camera in my pocket I woke sleepy-head with a couple sharp wraps on the roof.

    As sleepy began to open his eyes and look at me I hear the alert tone broadcast over the radio, followed by my call sign. “L7, your vehicle is stolen out of our agency. Is there a unit available to assist?”

    Before sleepy gets his wits about him I opened the door, scooped him out, and provided him with state issued nickel plated bracelets.

    So lets review… Bad guy steals car. Bad guy stops in road to, um, well, rub one out in before mentioned stolen car. At some point bad guy: a) becomes exhausted from the effort and decides to take a nap, or b) finishes, and is so relieved he is overtaken by sleep. Either way, the case has become something of a benchmark for stupid criminals at the local DA’s office. I was saddened that this did not go to trail.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2010
  2. OfficerChris

    OfficerChris L.A. fanboy

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    I really hope you wore gloves
     

  3. Bruce M

    Bruce M

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    Some couple decades back I was working the beach area and got a call for a person who wanted to turn himself in as he was wanted in Canada and the RCMP were on the beach looking for him. The call indicated he "might" be disturbed - generally when the complaint officer can fathom over the phone a person is disturned they are about totally psychotic. When I arrive the guy tells me he was arrested for shoplifting in Canada and never went to court. He has been drinking by his own admission but otherwise seems very lucid, until he gets to the part about the Royal Canadian Mounted Police on horseback on the beach. I bundle him up into the cruiser to take him the mental hospital move up a couple hotels to complete the paperwork and spy a bunch of RVs in the hotel parking lot. That of course meant that someone was filming or doing a commercial shoot (still popular here now but incredibly so back during the Miami Vice days...) A bit more curiosity on my part and I find out the local tourism authority is filming a commercial on the beach aimed at Canado complete with an actor dressed as a RCMP officer along with the requisite horse.
     
  4. VHT

    VHT

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    Pretty funny (both incidents).

    Bruce, did he still get a lift to to psyc? Haha...
     
  5. Patchman

    Patchman Florist

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    So did the first LEO to be assigned this vehicle, after this incident, go over the interior of the car with one of those blue lights they use to find DNA evidence? And if I were him/her, I would immediately take the vehicle through a car wash. With all windows rolled down.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2010
  6. Ribbler

    Ribbler

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    Will you be driving said vehicle?
     
  7. spdski

    spdski NRA Life Member CLM

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    Sir, if you reach for that weapon, I will shoot you.
     
  8. txleapd

    txleapd Hook 'Em Up

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    "SIR... DROP YOUR GUN!"

    :whistling:
     
  9. Patchman

    Patchman Florist

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    Fortunately, no.
     
  10. txleapd

    txleapd Hook 'Em Up

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    "Be careful where you point that thing... It might be loaded."
     
  11. spdski

    spdski NRA Life Member CLM

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    It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye.
     
  12. lawman800

    lawman800 Juris Glocktor

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    It just keeps getting better, don't it?
    This is my weapon, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun.

    We get lots of wankers all the time, in front of the elementary schools during PE, especially, never the high schools. Sick bastards. I can't even tell you how many times we get a call of a suspicious vehicle and we just walk right up and see the guy in there furiously going at it by himself, oblivious to the fact there are two officers standing right next to him.

    I caught one standing out in the open, in front of an elementary school once. He didn't even have a car. He took the bus there. I asked him, he copped to it.

    My partner got an old couple one time in a parking lot. They were in their 70s or something. They were going at it furiously and my partner lit them up with his flashlight and the guy looked back and said straight out, "Son, at my age, I don't get it up that often and when it does, I intend to use it. Cite me if you want but I am going to finish it." My partner was laughing so hard he just told them to leave when they're done.
     
  13. KiloBravo

    KiloBravo NRA Life Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    OMG!! LMAO You owe me a new keyboard!!! I seriously just blasted coffee all of the computer when reading that. It is still too early in the morning for this crap! LOL