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Job Application

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 4, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
    64,670
    Likes Received:
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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    This is a job application that we all wish we submitted to any
    fast-food establishment...

    NAME: Greg Bulmash

    DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
    available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
    applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
    Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
    offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen
    pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited
    to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
    here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
    LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
    would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
    already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini
    with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
    thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that
    now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
    YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

    SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.