Job Applicants

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    HOW JOB APPLICANTS SPEAK (and what they mean)...

    "I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:"
    I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of coffee breaks.

    "I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:"
    I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.

    "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"
    I've used Microsoft Office.

    "I'M HONEST, HARDWORKING AND DEPENDABLE:"
    I pilfer office supplies.

    "MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:"
    I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

    "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:"
    I blame others for my mistakes.

    "I'M PERSONABLE:"
    I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

    "I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:"
    As I leave San Quentin, anywhere is better.

    "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:"
    I carry a Franklin Planner.

    "MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:"
    You're probably looking for someone more experienced.

    "I AM ADAPTABLE:"
    I've changed jobs a lot.

    "I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:"
    The minute I find a better job. I'm outta there.

    "I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:"
    I'm a college dropout.

    "THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:"
    Wait! Don't throw me away!

    "I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:"
    Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
     
  2. The Pontificator

    The Pontificator Guest

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    You mean there's a company out there that still sends out rejection letters?

    :animlol: :rofl: :animlol: :rofl: :animlol: :rofl: :animlol:
     

  3. Blitzer

    Blitzer Cool Cat

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    Raytheon, Gould, Timkin Corp, Eaton Corp, BP...
     
  4. cougar_guy04

    cougar_guy04 Guest

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    Oh yeh, I've gotten several.