I've fallen off the bad joke wagon!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by joegerardi, Mar 6, 2004.

  1. joegerardi

    joegerardi Lifetime Member Millennium Member

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    May 18, 1999
    Savannah, GA, USA
    Did you hear about the new drink that was invented by a gynecologist? It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and Smirnoff vodka.
    It's called a "Pabst Smir."


    A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal. "What's your dog's name?" she asked.
    "Herpes," replied the dog's owner.
    "How... odd," said the woman. "Why Herpes?"
    "Because he won't heel."


    There’s a prison in England well known for its disruptive and riotous inmates and consequent low staff morale. In fact, most of the guards are on the v verge of a nervous breakdown.

    One day, a prisoner known as Mad Jack for his unpredictable behaviour is called in front of the Governor who
    says to him “As you know, two of my men were hurt last night when they were hit by a refrigerator someone lobbed out of a cell window onto them. CCTV reveals it came flying out of your room. What have you got to say?”

    “Well, Guv, I can’t deny it was me,” says Mad Jack, “But it was Simon & Garfunkel told me to do it.“
    “Simon & Garfunkel?” says the boss, “what have they got to do with it?”
    “I was listening to their Greatest Hits album in my room, and I heard them say ‘Hike a fridge over troubled warders..."

    There was a painter by the name of Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further.
    As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Church decided to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of one of its biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

    He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down with the turpentine. Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.

    The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

    Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

    And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

    "Repaint! Repaint, and thin no more!"

  2. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.