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it's just words

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by shu, Jul 23, 2005.

  1. shu

    shu Millennium Member

    Likes Received:
    Dec 10, 1999
    pharr, tx
    For you lovers of good writing, listed below are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton Contest, aka the "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" run by the English Department of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:

    10. As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.

    9. Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.

    8. With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned,
    unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

    7. Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he
    crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.

    6. Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
    narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.

    5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.;

    4. Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then
    penguins often do.

    3. Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the
    corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

    2.Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the
    meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.


    1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept
    along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!

    The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

    1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

    2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

    3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

    4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

    5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

    6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

    7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

    9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

    10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off these
    really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

    11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

    12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

    13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
    when they come at you rapidly.

    14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

    16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

    And the pick of the literature:

    17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a--hole
  2. lomfs24


    Likes Received:
    Apr 19, 2003
    There are a couple words in there that I just might start using.

  3. gr81disp

    gr81disp Bushbot v1.0

    Likes Received:
    Sep 19, 2004
    Marietta, GA
    Definitely going to be using #s 1, 3, 6, and 17.