'Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, No food was a-stirrin', Not even a mouse. Stockings were hung round Dad's neck like a tie, Along with a note that said, "Presents or die." Children were plotting All night in their beds, While the wife's constant whining Was splitting his head. But daddy had money This year in the bank, Then they closed up early, And now dad's in a tank. All of a sudden, Santa appeared, A sneer on his face, Booze in his beard. "Santa," I said, As he laughed merrily, "You do so much for others, Do something for me." "Bundy," he said, "You only sell shoes, Your son is a sneak thief, Your daughter's a flooze." "Ho ho," Santa said, "Should I mention your wife? Her hair's like an A-bomb, Her nails like a knife." He climbs up the chimney, That fat piece of dung, He mooned me two times, He stuck out his tongue. I heard him exclaim, As he broke wind with glee, "You're married with children, You'll never be free."