close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Is there a santa clause: a mathematical proof .......

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Dec 19, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
    64,670
    Likes Received:
    1,546
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research
    help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January,
    1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into
    Santa Claus.

    1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000
    species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of
    these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out
    flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

    2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
    BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
    and Buddhist cihldren, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the
    total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an
    average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
    million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
    different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he
    travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to
    822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian
    household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to
    park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the
    stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
    whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back
    into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of
    these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
    (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our
    calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per
    household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops
    to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus
    feeding and etc.

    This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,
    3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the
    fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves
    at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run,
    tops, 15 miles per hour.

    4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
    Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego
    set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting
    Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land,
    conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even
    granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES
    the normal anount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
    We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even
    counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for
    comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.


    5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates
    enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same
    fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead
    pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per
    second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost
    instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create
    deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be
    vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile,
    will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than
    gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be
    pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's
    dead now.
     
  2. modgun

    modgun CLM

    Messages:
    245
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2003
    Location:
    Where you live
    All I know is I was born and raised in North Pole.
    I do know Mr. Kris Kringle (legal name.)
    He does live in Santa Claus's house.
    It is filled with Toys and some are made in house.
    He does have reindeer and a sleigh.

    [​IMG]
    Santa Claus House, North Pole, Ak
     

  3. Guest

  4. groverglock

    groverglock Guns & Hoses

    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
    Location:
    CA
    Yes, Okie, there is a Santa Claus. Ask those millions of kids to explain the math. Ask any of those kids to explain drag, friction co-efiecients, G-forces, time space continueum, the first law of thremodynamics, wind chill and the coloric consumption and conversion factors of cookies. Huh?? :( :( :(

    Ask them how their Christmas stockings were filled and their gifts arrived. Their unanimous answer? Santa Claus.

    A lump of coal in your stocking from SANTA CLAUS. :) :)
     
  5. BruceH

    BruceH

    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2000
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, AR, USA
    Okie, reference your post re: Santa

    I still believe in Santa. I no longer believe in you.

    Most of your posts are humorous. Some are not. None have show a total lack of taste, until now.

    Were you abused as a child? Why would anyone intentionally publish a post calculated to destroy one of the few happy fantisies held by children.

    I am both disillusioned and disappointed. In my book, your stock has hit rock bottom. Get a life. Try doing something nice for a child, you'll be surprised.
     
  6. LtTripMD

    LtTripMD Nuke & Pave

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2002
    Location:
    Upstate, NY
    thanks okie.

    i hadn't read that in a couple of years. definitely a keeper.

    oh, and Bruce....been drinking? ;g

    trip.
     
  7. vertigo7

    vertigo7

    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2002
    Location:
    Florida
    This inquiry is based on the premise that there is only one Santa Claus. The calculations work out more realistically if you assume some form of parallel processing. A thousand Santas (1 kilosanta) or a million (a megasanta) or more, working in parallel, could perform the same number of visits in the same allotted time with less advanced technology (and fewer vaporized reindeer).

    One Other Point...

    Who does the air traffic control for a megasanta? A million sleighs and 12 million reindeer occupy a significant amount of airspace. If we assume that each reindeer team, sleigh and Santa needs no more than 5 feet vertical airspace (which, given that known species of reindeer with antlers are quite nearly five feet tall, leaves very little room for error), then a megasanta requires almost 947 miles of vertical airspace. This also disregards the fact that each Santa must make frequent landings. The airspace at chimney level will be in high demand and disproportionately crowded, particularly as Christmas-celebrating households tend to be densely clustered in the same geographic areas. It seems likely that a megasanta, while perhaps avoiding vaporized reindeer, would suffer huge casualties from in-air collisions.
     
  8. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
    64,670
    Likes Received:
    1,546
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Well Bruce when I was a pup my dad told me once I was a sack of crap,
    does that count;P
     
  9. podwich

    podwich

    Messages:
    4,626
    Likes Received:
    292
    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2000
    Location:
    MI
    Bruce: Uh...how many 5 year old children read GT?

    It's just a joke, ok?
     
  10. LtTripMD

    LtTripMD Nuke & Pave

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2002
    Location:
    Upstate, NY
    whoa there guys.

    lets give Bruce the benefit of the doubt. i'm sure he was kidding too.

    sarcasm doesn't type well sometimes.

    trip.

    p.s.
    Bruce - if you weren't kidding you're a horrible troll and you should have your keyboard taken away from you. this kind of stupidity is exactly what your psychiatrist has been trying to get you to stop doing.
     
  11. pablo04092

    pablo04092 Rat Fink

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2003
    Location:
    Maine
    Okie, Please keep the jokes coming. I look forward to your postings no matter what the content.

    Just remember, if you don't like the joke, you don't have to read it twice.

    Thanks again Okie.

    p.s. I enjoyed the Santa logistics.
     
  12. potshot

    potshot

    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2002
    Hey guys, get off Bruce's back. He still believes in Santa Clause.
    Podwich, there is at least one five year old that reads GT.;P ;Q
     
  13. pfrigm

    pfrigm

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2001
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Vertigo,

    Forget about air traffic control, who handles the waste removal for the 8 megareindeer required to pull your megasanta??? ;g

    ;)
     
  14. vertigo7

    vertigo7

    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2002
    Location:
    Florida
    ;P I'd rather not think about it.
     
  15. pizzaaguy

    pizzaaguy

    Messages:
    2,698
    Likes Received:
    2,740
    Joined:
    May 8, 2002
    Location:
    Central Florida
    GEESH, Bruce, lighten up a little! ;P

    Okie was just kidding...it's a JOKE, OK? ;)

    Personally, I still believe in Santa Clause
    and strive to be more like him every day! ^c
     
  16. Ghosty

    Ghosty Free American

    Messages:
    619
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2002
    Location:
    America
    Alex_Knight doesn't count. ^b ^b
     
  17. mhambi

    mhambi κολασμένος

    Messages:
    14,303
    Likes Received:
    6,623
    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2001
    Location:
    215
    WARNING!!! Spoilers below!!! All 5 year olds stop reading NOW!!!




























    the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy aren't real either....





    funny post Okie! ;f
     
  18. SmilingOtter

    SmilingOtter

    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2000
    Location:
    Macon, Ga, 31204
    Reminds me -

    (and Okie, I found the post to be quite educational)

    Two boys were talking after church one Sunday afternoon.
    "So, what do you think of this Satan stuff?" asked the first.
    "I dunno," said the second. "I figure he's like Santa Claus - it's probably just you're dad."

    - Tom
     
  19. Bannack

    Bannack

    Messages:
    775
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2002
    Location:
    NW Montana
    Sorry guys I got carried away while deer hunting.

    [​IMG]
     
  20. potshot

    potshot

    Messages:
    199
    Likes Received:
    1
    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2002
    Bannack, What was the range, and how many shots?
    Jerky anyone?;f ;f