close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

Is anyone else's wife bad at gift giving?

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Petra, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. Petra

    Petra

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2002
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Texas
    This is probably going to sound petty but going to try this anyway. My wife isn't very good at giving gifts. I can count on one hand (with fingers left over) the number of times she has given me a gift where I went WOW! This past Christmas I finally gave up and gave her a list. Our 20th anniversary was last week. I had promised her a trip to Disney before we got married. (I hate theme parks.) I went all out. Nice resort instead of a hotel. First class plane tickets. Tickets to Disney and Universal Studios. I even bought her a diamond ring to replace the engagement ring she lost. Figured after 20 years of putting up with me she deserved something nice. What did she buy me...nothing.

    This scenario plays out for birhtdays and Christmas too. I put a lot of time and effort into figuring out something that she would like. Something that would make her happy. I listen when she says "oh, I really like that" and make a mental note of it. I scrimp and save so that I can afford to get it for her.

    I get...clothes. I've never considered clothes a good gift unless it's something the person requested. That's just me. She's actually given up on even trying to buy for me. This past Christmas she actually asked me for a list. Really? We've been married 20 years and you can't figure out what I like? What I'm interested in? I gave her a list just so I wouldn't have to hear "I don't know what to get you" anymore. I think it's less about she's not good at giving gifts and more about she doesn't put the time and effort into thinking about it. It's not a major problem. I jut find it annoying.

    So, guys...am I the only one in this boat or is this pretty common?


    UPDATE: Well there may be hope for my wife. The wife and I were on that sid of town so I decided to go to the gun shop and see if the pistol I was interesed in (Kimber Ultra CDP II LG) was still there. It was. I also looked at a few others. My wife asked, "why don't you get it?" Umm...because I don't have the money saved up. (See large sparkely diamond ring on your finger for explanation of my financial situation.) Her reply, "Put it on the credit card. I'll pay for it. It's my anniversary gift to you."

    She told me she wanted to get it for me for our anniversary but couldn't remember exactly which one it was. She said she also couldn't find a time to go there when I wasn't with her. Hmmm...well don't see how that second one is right since I'm at work all day Sunday and she's off...but ok. So it seems the idea was there was a lack of intel gathering and mission planning. We'll have to work on that.
     
    Last edited: May 6, 2012
  2. podwich

    podwich

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2000
    Messages:
    4,617
    Likes Received:
    278
    Location:
    MI
    I'm not easy to buy for. If there's something I need, I buy it. Of course, I really don't care if I get any gifts, so that all works out pretty well for me. Honestly, I can more consistently get what I want by buying it myself (and the money comes from the same source anyway).
     

  3. michael e

    michael e

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    Messages:
    2,811
    Likes Received:
    3
    Mine gets mad because I will go buy what I want when I want it.
    Wouldn't say she is bad at it but the fact that I really don't need anything and if I want something I go get it makes me a pain to shop for.
     
  4. JimBianchi

    JimBianchi Da Da CLM

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2006
    Messages:
    6,686
    Likes Received:
    892
    Location:
    Las Vegas
    My wife (of 22yrs) also sucks at gift giving.

    Years ago after our house burned down (1997), while doing the rebuild, she bought me a nice claw hammer, jig saw and circular saw. All Craftsman. That was the last time I got a great gift.

    Now I buy myself guns and tools around Christmas and my birthday.

    I still put lots of thought, effort and money in gifts. My wife is regularly surprised by my insight and thoughtfulness.

    I get a lot of ice chests and insulated mugs.......
     
  5. medic2258

    medic2258

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    244
    Location:
    Ohio
    It's common. My brother says it's a lack of respect and caring on the woman's part. I tend to agree.
     
  6. HollowHead

    HollowHead Firm member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2005
    Messages:
    25,232
    Likes Received:
    3,505
    Location:
    Where the buffalo roam
    I go to the local tack store where my wife frequents and ask what's she's been looking at and buy it. She does the same at the LGS. We both do the same at the local cycle shop. It's kind of like a registry (the folks at the cycle shop actually keep lists). HH
     
  7. Hailstorm

    Hailstorm Boom Shacka

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Canton Mi
    Well, here goes. I been with mine for 5 years. It is a big deal to get a card. Much less something that is useful to me.

    Me, I do the same as the OP. A cruise has been taken, Sparkly stuff for finger and neck.

    I think just handing her a list of things for Christmas and Birthday is a good idea.

    Right now she is out of the country. For work. She was talking about all the stuff she is trying to find for her family. She asked me what I wanted. I said all I wanted is for you to return home safely and in a good mood. Which is true. That is all I really want. But, I know she tries.lol

    A list is gonna help
     
  8. themiller

    themiller

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    582
    Likes Received:
    0
    I give mine a list. No reason for her to waste our money on stuff I don't want. Got a chainsaw last year! :supergrin:

    I'm *pretty* good at giving gifts. Also helps that all the family members exchange gifts, so lists are out there.
     
  9. TSAX

    TSAX USAF Vet

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2010
    Messages:
    10,162
    Likes Received:
    7
    All I'll say is the mrs is always good at getting for herself :whistling:










    :50cal:
     
  10. Kurly

    Kurly

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    0
    I find that many women today (thank God, not all), believe that their husband must do everything they can to make THEM happy, but their husband should just be content that she still puts up with him.

    The pendulum has swung the other way with feminism and we've raised more than 3 generations of women who feel 'entitled' with little to nothing to reciprocate.
     
  11. jame

    jame I don't even know....what I'm doing here....

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2002
    Messages:
    6,559
    Likes Received:
    2,924
    Location:
    Central Iowa
    My wife and I decided long ago that mind reading was for those that think they know each other.

    Lists are for people that know each other well enough to understand that people can't read minds. Do you "tell" her what you want, or do you throw what you think are "hints"?
     
  12. Caladan

    Caladan

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Messages:
    475
    Likes Received:
    0
    My wife pays attention when I'm looking at something at the gunshop, and will go back later and buy stuff for me. This has happend so many times that the guy who runs the place knows her by name.

    Several years ago she bought me my own 26 acre shooting range. I'm pretty happy with her..... :hearts:

    :usaf:
     
  13. devildog2067

    devildog2067

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2005
    Messages:
    16,469
    Likes Received:
    1,553
    Location:
    Chicago
    So let me say that 1) that's not petty at all, and could be true.

    But let me also ask:

    If you were to ask her the same thing, what do you think she would say? Do you KNOW that you regularly WOW her with gifts, or do you just "think" it's true?

    Umm... an anniversary trip is really supposed to be a present for both of you. You should have gone someplace you both wanted to go.

    My wife asks me for lists, too. I'm hard to buy gifts for because when I want something, I usually go out and buy it. Also, I'm far more knowledgeable about my hobbies than she is, so if I want (for example) a watch there's no way that she'll "know" that the watch I'm lusting after this season is a Marathon GSAR on the US seal bracelet without asking me.

    The thing is, if you're right, it IS a major problem. She should be putting in the effort if it's important to you--you're the one who gets to decide if this bothers you or not. You need to talk to her about it.
     
  14. mr00jimbo

    mr00jimbo

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    3,668
    Likes Received:
    63
    Location:
    Vancouver, Canada
    I spend a lot of time and a good deal of money finding my girl the perfect gift.
    Sometimes I get something cool,.sometimes it's something I would seldom use.

    All I know is that I am the worlds easiest guy to shop for.

    I drop a million hints for so many different things, but get little effort in return.
     
  15. janice6

    janice6 Silver Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    38,235
    Likes Received:
    31,373
    Location:
    minnesota
    C'mon guys, my wife still comes back from buying groceries and comments "I don't know what you like".


    We have been married 53 years.
     
  16. USMCsilver

    USMCsilver Boat Life ©

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2001
    Messages:
    13,024
    Likes Received:
    149
    Location:
    Middle of SC
    I'm an unappreciative ***. I was a spoiled brat growing up, while my wife came from a family of "nothing". It'll be 12 years of marriage soon.

    She knows me. If I want something, I'll go buy it. If I don't want it, then I won't get it. If I want it, and it's too damned expensive, then I'll either be in the process of saving for it so I can go buy it, or it's just totally unreasonable.

    We went through the times where she got me "crap" and I was like, "What did you get me this for? Seriously, why? Ya got the receipt?"

    I can be a dick, and I know that.

    My birthday is Cinco De Mayo. I'll bet ya nearly anything I won't get anything. And ya know what? That's fine with me. Don't waste our money on junk; that's what it all comes down to.
     
  17. OGW

    OGW NRA, SAF

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,419
    Likes Received:
    5,038
    Location:
    N.W. Lower Michigan
    My wife and I don't typically buy one another gifts for birthdays and such. When one of us has the opportunity to surprise the other with something we _know_ they'll like, we do it. Works for us.
     
  18. bucky_925

    bucky_925

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2000
    Messages:
    617
    Likes Received:
    187
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Same here....I get my wife of 28 years what I consider great gifts. However how much she tries I would rather buy my own gifts.....It's not their fault it's our's for being men.
     
  19. Pentothal

    Pentothal

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    379
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have gone through the same thing in my relationship. Several time early on I was called "ungrateful." After years she has learned that I either want it or it goes back. I get irritated see in something I don't want and knowing money is tied up in it.

    Here is what works in my house. I keep several wish lists through Amazon.com. Most of them are private, used for research and gift ideas for others. There is an app that lets me add anything off the internet to the list, so this works great for me. When I decide that I definitely want something it goes on a public list. Any item she gets off of one of those lists is perfect. Even if I end up not liking it, it was something I wanted. She can't go wrong.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2012
  20. stolenphot0

    stolenphot0 RTF2 Addict

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2012
    Messages:
    5,433
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Kettering, OH
    This here too. My wife stinks at figuring out what I like/want. Sometimes she gets it without help.

    I figure I am old enough now that if I want something I go get it too. I don't "wait for Christmas/birthday" to get it. I used to get yelled at for buying a movie two weeks before Christmas. :supergrin: Then I would hear, well I (or someone) could have got that for you. Even though they had no idea when the movie would be coming out on DVD.

    My father-in-law worked at Borders after he retired, and we all know how expensive their DVDs are. It killed me that I could give them a list and he would buy two DVDs their when he could have went to Target/Best Buy/Amazon and got 4.