Interesting Reflections on Life

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by doubletap1, May 8, 2002.

  1. doubletap1


    Likes Received:
    Mar 1, 2000
    1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It
    leaves your groin unprotected.

    2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy
    is no pain, no pain.

    3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

    4. I'm desperately trying to figure out
    why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

    5. Do you think illiterate people get the
    full affect of alphabet soup?

    6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but
    I should have been more specific.

    7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's
    face he gets mad at you, but when
    you take him in a car he sticks his head out
    the window?

    8. Ever notice that anyone going slower
    than you is an idiot, but anyone
    going faster than you is a maniac?

    9. You have to stay in shape. My mother
    started walking five miles
    a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we
    have no idea where she is.

    10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row.
    When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter
    how long somebody stands there
    picking the locks, they are always locking
    three of them.

    11. One out of every three Americans is
    suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your
    best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

    12. They show you how detergent takes out
    bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee
    shirt with bloodstains all
    over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

    13. Ask people why they have deer heads on
    their walls and they
    tell you it's because they're such
    beautiful animals. I think my wife is
    beautiful, but I only have photographs of
    her on the walls.

    14. A lady came up to me on the street,
    pointed at my suede jacket
    and said, "Don't you know a cow was
    murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I
    didn't know there were any witnesses. Now
    I'll have to kill you too."

    15. Future historians will be able to
    study at the Jimmy Carter Library,
    the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald
    Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    ;a ;a ;a
  2. Twisted Steel

    Twisted Steel And Sex Appeal

    Likes Received:
    Apr 28, 2002
    Maybe we need to get someone to check the validity of each of these items. I find some of them hard to believe.;e

  3. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

    Likes Received:
    Aug 16, 2001
    Taunton, MA
    I recognize at least 1 George Carlin, a Jay Leno and a Seinfeld in that. ROTFLMAO!
  4. AllenTC2

    AllenTC2 Guest

    Likes Received:
    May 6, 2002
    What about Steven Wright?