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In the year 2029

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by KY Moose, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. KY Moose

    KY Moose

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    Republic of Northern Virginia
    >The year is 2029 . . .
    >
    >* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
    >
    >* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly known as California).
    >
    >* White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
    >
    >* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
    >
    >* Constitutional Amendment passed that allows illegal aliens to run for U. S. President.
    >
    >* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
    >
    >* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
    >
    >* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the ATM (the American Territory of the Middle East, formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
    >
    >* Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
    >
    >* France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
    >
    >* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
    >
    >* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
    >
    >* 85-year, $75.8 billion study finds: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss!!!
    >
    >* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
    >
    >* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
    >
    >* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
    >
    >* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
    >
    >* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
    >
    >* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
    >
    >* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
    >
    >* Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
    >
    >* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
    >
    >* Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine