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In an effort ....

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Feb 23, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
    64,670
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    1,546
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    In an effort to help outsiders understand the country, the
    following list will be handed to each driver entering the area:

    1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work
    before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

    2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive,
    you're going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive
    because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

    3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years
    old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

    4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will
    get you whipped... by our women.

    5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if
    a Largemouth Bass breaks it off at the handle. We have a name
    for those little trout you fish for...bait.

    6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
    approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up
    to your ear at the time.

    8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a twenty sixer
    for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

    9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order a
    steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
    off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

    10. You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet,
    and served over ice.

    11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on
    weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million
    dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

    12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We
    stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

    13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want
    to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

    14. Yeah, we eat bullheads. Suckers, too - and frogs. You really want
    sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

    15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.
    Don't like it? Highway 15 goes two ways.Highway 42 goes the other two.
    Pick one and use it accordingly.

    16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
    religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

    17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
    friendly. Understand the concept?

    18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water
    hazard. It spooks the fish.

    19. That Officer that just pulled you over for
    driving like an idiot, his name is, "Sir"... no matter how old he
    is.

    Now, enjoy your visit and go home