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In a real dilemma and would appreciate the GT think tank

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by jetdefiant, Mar 7, 2010.

  1. jetdefiant

    jetdefiant

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    Back ground story,
    I'm living in my parents home and finishing grad school and my brother is finishing his undergrad and is applying for grad school. We're both engineers.

    My dad thinks he can get a friend to pull some strings and get him admitted to Stanford. So he puts my brother in contact with his friend.

    My brother does not want to go to stanford since they do not specialize in his area of study.

    Dad thinks my brother is making a stupid decision to pass up Stanford because he thinks the salary gap fresh out of Stanford is substantial compared to a school like Rutgers or Columbia. Dad is so pissed off, thinking we are ungrateful and don't appreciate the value of money (believe me, as conservatives we do) that he is threatening that if he doesn't choose to go to Stanford he is cutting us off financially and have us pay for school and home by ourselves. Keep in mind it is not even garunteed if he can get in, the friend would just say he'd try to pull some strings. In my dad's mind he thinks we are being idealistic to pass up possibly 40k in earning potential just to study what "interests" us. But in all honestly the money isnt that important to us. I'm pretty sure given our degrees we will not be wanting anytime soon. At this point this is getting so out of hand it has the potential to put a very big dent in our family and I'm just not sure what to do. One suggestion I gave was for my brother to confide in the friend, tell him the situation and have the friend make sure he does not get accepted while telling my dad that he tried but they said no, other than that I don't know what he could possibly do to get out of this situation.
     
  2. Swiper

    Swiper

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    Follow your heart. I am sure both of you will do just fine even without daddy's money.
     

  3. Mushinto

    Mushinto Master Member

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    I think your dad has your best interests at heart, and I doubt that he will follow through on his threat.

    He is just frustrated and following a timeless parental tradition of reserving an "I told you so."

    ML
     
  4. the iceman

    the iceman Proud Veteran CLM

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    Your both going to have to do what is important to you because after all, it is your lives, not your father's.
     
  5. AWJGlock19

    AWJGlock19

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    That is an unfortunate situation. One of the most liberating times in my life is when I finally moved out of my parents house after I graduated from college and started paying ALL my bills. It was a tough adjustment, but worth every penny!

    I don't think your dad is necessarily trying to "control" the situation, he just wants to see his son do the thing that will make him the most successful in dad's eyes, and the big chip dad has is the "I will pay thing". If your brother pays for graduate school himself, then your dad does not have that leverage of "go here or no $$$". If dad is paying, then he has a say in the school chosen.....

    At some point in his life, your brother is going to have to stand on his own 2 feet and seperate finacially from his parents. Might as well start now.

    It reminds me of when my wife and I got married. We paid for the majority of the weeding, like 90% of it, and we did not have to put up with the parents (mom's really) making the wedding about them and what they wanted, etc. because they were not paying for it....

    Financial Liberation is one of the most peaceful things in life....I hope your situation works out my friend!!!
     
  6. farley45

    farley45

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    Study what interests you, period.

    If your father wants to cut you off financially, for choosing you own path then so be it. Maybe it is time to do it on your own, however difficult it may be.

    I'm sure you have already tried rational discussions with him, but if not then that is what I would suggest.

    Explain to him what you are going to do, and why you are going to do it. If he does not accept that, then pony up and do what needs to be done.
     
  7. tbhracing

    tbhracing Senior Member

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    The Skeptical Cat knows whats up, good posting.
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2010
  8. BigChuck73

    BigChuck73 Registered Lurk

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    Dad's bluffing - and how does this involve you anywho????
     
  9. geminicricket

    geminicricket NRA Life member

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    As I understand your post, jetdefiant, it seems that your father's threats are only aimed at your brother, who wants to study some engineering that Stanford doesn't offer. What would that be? As you say you are 'finishing grad school', I take that to mean that this is your final semester on your final credits and you get your masters degree soon. Just say "Thanks, Dad", and go get a job.

    For your brother, he too can say, "Thanks, Dad" and go get a job. I am in the engineering industry and there is not much difference between the starting pay of a BSEE and a MSEE. $15,000 for a BSEE, and $20,000 for a MSEE. In India.
     
  10. banjobob

    banjobob

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    One must balance what interests them with what pays the bills. What I do for a living pays the bills but my interests are shooting guns, drinking and raising hell (these rarely pay the bills).

    In all seriousness my cousin has a son who is majoring in music at a small local college, he plays the violin. Everyone in the family has always said how wonderful it is and has encouraged him to do what he loves. He's not good enough to play for the New York Symphony and realistucally will be lucky if he is able to land a job as a junior high school music teacher (not that there is anything wrong with that). I've always looked at the situation and thought that he has been done in incredible disservice that no one sat him down and said "your interests are great but they won't pay the bills, continue to do that as a hobby but pursue something that will make money. The novelty of doing something that you love wears off real fast when you can't pay the bills."

    Personally when I was 17 I told my dad I wanted to major in history when I went to college and what he told me was the best advice anyone had ever given me. He said "the only thing you can do with a history degree is teach and teachers don't make a lot of money, you won't like it." Luckily I took his advice choose a degree I that can be used to make money and guess what I can buy any history book I want.
     
  11. Free Radical

    Free Radical Miembro Antiguo CLM

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    That's exactly what I was going to say. :thumbsup:
     
  12. jetdefiant

    jetdefiant

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    Well my dad has thrown me into the mix because i side with my brother. Since I currently live in his home and he has yet to pay for my last semester, he is using that as leverage.

    The key thing is, my dad feels that we are being too idealistic. We know we will be able to live comfortable lives and able to provide for a family on an engineer's salary, but my dad owns his own business and to him, 60k a year is nothing, so it's his "business owner" perspective that is screwing us over. I'll be honest, I started with more than 60 right out of school and when i get my master's i'm sure it'll be better in terms of my earning potential. But from my dad's view, even 70-80k isn't enough.
     
  13. jp3975

    jp3975

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    Go to stanford and take the basics. Transfer out when you're ready to take carreer oriented classes.
     
  14. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    His brother just finished his undergrad (4yr) degree.

    What basics is he going to cover at Stanford, if they are not within the specialty he is interested in?

    'Drew
     
  15. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    Following your dreams are ideal, but when someone else is underwriting your graduate education, your choices are really simple.

    a) get a loan
    b) work with the person who is underwriting your education


    'Drew
     
  16. Smashy

    Smashy

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    1. The only person putting a dent in your family is your dad. Don't let him or anyone else tell you that you and your brother are being unreasonable.

    2. Don't go behind your dad's back and try to manipulate things. Murphy's Law being what it is, he will find out sooner or later, then all hell will break loose and you will be at fault for doing something deceitful.

    3. Do what you want, not what someone else tells you to do. If your dad gets pissed and wants to take a sledge hammer to his family over it, that's up to him. You can't control his actions, but more importantly, don't let him control yours.
     
  17. metrogruntual

    metrogruntual o__O

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    i'd advise the brother to play along...its a long time until he'd actually start at stanford. if he does or not, you guys can enjoy another year or two of life as usual.
     
  18. jp3975

    jp3975

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    Thanks...I supose I should pay better attention.

    In that case Id just wait and see if he gets in unless you think it's a sure thing.

    If he's lucky he wont and dad probably cant fault him for that.

    If he gets in he has to decide whats more important. Getting the degree he wants or making dad happy.
     
  19. ctaggart

    ctaggart

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    Just tell your dad you're not worried about money because you plan on inhereting all they money he has made in his lifetime when he dies.

    In all seriousness, it doesn't sound like your dad will be happy unless he gets his way. A student loan application is in order. You're brother will get by paying his own way. He's not the only one that has.
     
  20. Gallium

    Gallium CLM

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    Jetdefiant,

    Were your dad parents fully grown at the time of the great depression? Your dad is probably a bit fixated on money, because he had to bust his *** to make his?

    I don't think you or your brother could really appreciate the value of money, without ever having worked hard, then losing a poop load of it.

    Even so, ....your brother is doing graduate studies...he probably knows best what he wants to study, dad be damned.

    'Drew