close

Privacy guaranteed - Your email is not shared with anyone.

If men made the rules

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Nov 11, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
    64,670
    Likes Received:
    1,546
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    IF MEN MADE THE RULES FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM
    1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the *** and a
    "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.
    2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
    3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it
    would only occur in leap years.
    4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the
    day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
    5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
    But it would be celebrated every month.
    6. Garbage would take itself out.
    7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer
    and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative
    pay-per-view event in world history.
    8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be
    "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle."
    9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
    10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
    11. Two words... "Ally McNaked."
    12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer
    you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
    Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
    You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.
    " Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off."
    13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
    14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
    15. Every man would get four real Get
    Out of Jail Free cards per year.
    16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
    17. The victors in any athletic competition would
    get to kill and eat the losers.
    18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as
    you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
    19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring,
    you could present your wife-to-be with a giant
    foam hand that said "You're #1!"
    20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
    during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the
    corner of the screen during a time-out.
    21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an
    acceptable response to "I love you"
    22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
    23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an
    acceptable excuse for tardiness.
    24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you
    would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a
    brontosaurus and right into your car, like Fred Flintstone.
    25. Hallmark would make...
    "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.