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If marriage is hard, you're doing it wrong.

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by TheDreadnought, Jul 15, 2017.

  1. TheDreadnought

    TheDreadnought

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    I hear about all these people talking about tough marriages and marriage problems.

    If you're unhappy in your marriage, and it's not just a temporary situation, you're in a bad marriage that no longer works for you (if it ever did.)

    Get out. You're wasting time, yours and your partners.

    If you're worried about your kids spend some time thinking about the fact that all you're teaching them is how to have a bad marriage that will set them up for their own misery down the road.

    Get out.

    A good marriage is a breeze. You support each other and deal with problems together... your partner is not the problem.

    I've been in both types good and bad and, like some of you, wasted too much time on the bad one.

    Get out. Stop wasting your life being miserable.
     
  2. mdlott

    mdlott

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    I thought this would be Bulls hit, but I actually like it.
     
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  3. JArthurD

    JArthurD Silver Member

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    It can be easy IF you have the ability to love, show empathy, understanding and a willingness to listen. -Knowing yourself as well as your spouse is equally critical.

    I'm going on 32 years with the woman God intended me to be with. Not a day goes by that we don't tell each other how happy we are together.

    I agree with you as long as we agree that it takes work on both sides. Great relationships are not "automatic"

    Also agree that there seem to be many folks here in bad marriages. Glad you posted this.
     
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  4. BigBull 301

    BigBull 301

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    Going on 43 years.........piece of cake.
     
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  5. refugeepj

    refugeepj

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    the key: pick the right partner.
    it is possible.
     
  6. RonS

    RonS Millennium Member

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    Depends on a lot of things. I don't know anyone who has it easy all the time. Although some people seem compelled to pretend.

    Sometimes it is easy, sometimes you have to work at it. If you aren't working at it, it may well be that at some point, option two may start to look better than staying together, because something changed while you weren't working at it. I don't know too many marriages that have survived some of the stories we here on GT. Not and be what I would call "marriages", as opposed to legally binding contracts of mutual need, hatred and resentment.
     
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  7. Joe!

    Joe! let it whip

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    Don't tell me what to do.
     
  8. 1L26

    1L26

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    41 years this August. This is my 2nd wife. First wife was fun but when it went bad it was the 7th Level of Hell.
     
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  9. G30SF/F-250

    G30SF/F-250 Pinky Out Platinum Member

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  10. -JCN-

    -JCN-

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    Disagree.

    Marriage is hard, but I love the challenge and being successful at it.

    Being challenging and taking effort isn't synonymous with being a negative thing. It's like running a marathon or any skill based hobby.

    Success in marriage is not for the lazy, that's for sure. I love my wife and we have a great marriage. But it takes effort to partner up in an active way. There are huge dividends in doing so, but there's up front capital investment to get those returns. No such thing as a free lunch.
     
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  11. huskerbuttons

    huskerbuttons

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    My ex wife tried to control me. Now it's TheDreadnought.
     
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  12. huskerbuttons

    huskerbuttons

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    It takes a good amount of emotional and physical investment from each person. Not "work" per say but investment. And when you're with the right person it's a lot of fun.
     
  13. Rabbi

    Rabbi The Bombdiggity Lifetime Member

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    I think you are *somewhat* right.

    In easy times, a bad marriage is still bad. A good marriage is probably easy.

    When times get bad, a bad marriage is still bad. A good marriage can become hard.

    Hard and bad are not the same things. For example, on the extreme end, the loss of a child can make a good marriage hard and the issue may not be temporary.
     
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  14. Jonesee

    Jonesee

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    I would say a lasting marriage is not for quitters. There are times you will have to work at it.

    Although, we are heading to 33 years now and I would say it has been easy.

    I think a lot of members here who are so down on marriage and have been through more than 1 failed marriage should probably be looking in the mirror.
     
  15. RonS

    RonS Millennium Member

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    Two of the happiest people I know came out of failed marriages saying, Well, I won't make that mistake again. And they didn't, they took the lessons learned and made a great marriage to each other.
     
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  16. Caver 60

    Caver 60

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    Our has been a perfect dream. Sometimes I'm afraid I might wake up and find it was only a great dream. Yes, she's had 7 major surgeries (two for cancer) during our well over 45 year marriage. But she's still the perfect woman for me, and vice versa. We've never had a fight. Perhaps a half dozen times we've had small disagreements which were quickly resolved.

    I think God gave Samuel some mighty good advice in I Samuel 16:7, which applies to marriage of a male to a female as well.

    I told both my sons not to look primarily at outward physical beauty, but to find out what is in her heart, when they looked for a mate. They both have wonderful marriages.

    Any marriage based ONLY on physical appearance, is probably doomed or at least on a hard path to success. Physical beauty fades over the years. True love doesn't fade. God joined us together till death do us part. The God part is also very important.
     
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  17. vikingsoftpaw

    vikingsoftpaw DEPLORABLE ME!

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    From what I've observed in friends and families marriages; a lot of women will chose to stick it out being miserable. They really don't want to take the 75% hit in their standard of living. In the process, making everyone else miserable, emotionally damaging children.
     
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  18. Al Czervik

    Al Czervik

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    The only truly charmed marriage I have ever seen was my wife's parents marriage.
     
  19. autogeddon

    autogeddon

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    If I had not married, I would be dead or in prison by now. So yea... it is the best thing to happen to me. Some people aren't born with a governor on them. Plus it don't hurt that you do care about someone other than yourself.
     
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  20. Diesel_Bomber

    Diesel_Bomber

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    Nope. Important stuff needs to be built, it doesn't happen on accident, and it probably won't be easy.

    That said, one can and should enjoy the work, even if difficult.
     
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