I have to put my mother (grandmother) in hospice

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by JLA, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. JLA

    JLA

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    Some of you might know that I was raised by my grandparents from the age of 5 so I consider my grandma my mom. They are all I remember. She lived alone until June of last year but had to go into a nursing home after her hospital stay in June. She’s slowly been going down since then but is very resilient not accepting that she is getting older. She will be 99 in June. She’s been losing weight in the last few months because it’s hard to eat because of her pain in her ear and jaw. She’s down to 76 pounds.

    I’ve been on the nursing home about the pain in her jaw for a few months now so now she finally has an appointment at the ENT doctor next Friday for that. I may be in some kind of denial but I think that has a lot to do with the weight loss. But she has a mass in her lung that was diagnosed 6 months ago but didn’t know if it was cancer or not . They decided not to explore it because of her age.

    I got a call from a hospital nurse a little bit ago saying that it’s probably time for her to go into hospice. My heart sank bad. I’m a positive guy by nature and it’s really hard to accept but I still think her weight loss is contributed from her jaw. If she does get her jaw better I have faith that she will gain weight and be taken out of hospice. I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I can’t stop hoping. Sorry..... just needed to talk a bit. Thanks for listening.
     
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  2. thequintessentialman

    thequintessentialman

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    ... at 99 to think what she has lived through, what she has witnessed we can only read about... a child in the roaring 20s, great depression, WW II, I bet she has some interesting stories.

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  3. spork

    spork Caffeinator

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    There is a time for everything. 99 is pretty amazing. Take every opportunity to tell her you love and how much she means to you. That is the best thing she can hear and it is one of the best actions you can take for yourself.
     
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  4. MB-G26

    MB-G26 Ornery & Irreverent Lifetime Member

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  5. rotorhead1026

    rotorhead1026

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    A sad business. Is there nothing that will mitigate her pains?
     
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  6. flyover

    flyover

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    Sorry to hear this. 99 years is a pretty darn good run.
     
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  7. DannyB

    DannyB

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    I think there are many definitions and or types of hospice. All I've ever been told is that hospice is just a different and better level of care, usually in the same facility, if already in a nursing home. The whole concept is comfort.

    A mass was discovered in my mother's lung at age 84. The doc was pretty confident that it was cancer. When the doc mentioned a mass in the lung my mother told him she wanted hospice care right then. She already knew quite a lot about it. They enrolled her at home the next day.

    She was home with hospice coming daily for about two weeks. Then went to the nursing home, but with the same hospice care nurse seeing her there daily, in addition to the nursing home nurses seeing her routinely. She lived another four weeks.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
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  8. rayzer007

    rayzer007

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    The nurses know what is best. Listen to them and trust their judgement. They'll give you good advice. Hospice will see that the she is comfortable; that's what is needed now.
     
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  9. Tickhill

    Tickhill Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking

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    My wife works hospice and I know that she loves each and every one of her patients, a good hospice will meet every need that your grandmother has, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your grandmother.
     
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  10. AdamRodgers

    AdamRodgers "Facts matter, Feeling can lie" Docgkr

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    Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My family's prayers are for you and yours tonight.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
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  11. Ay Dios Mio

    Ay Dios Mio

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    Dude...I am so sorry.
     
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  12. ReaPer105

    ReaPer105

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    It's time for her to finish with dignity.
    I'm sorry it has been a tough ending. A long life well lived is a rich blessing, but even those must end.
    May God bless her and you during this time.
     
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  13. TBO

    TBO Why so serious? CLM

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    Prayers for strength and best wishes for you and your family.

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  14. geodan

    geodan

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    Hang tough. Like I'm sure she must have repeatedly through her life. You and she will get through this, and in the end it will all be okay. You will know you did the best you could under the circumstances, and she will know also.
     
  15. Joshhtn

    Joshhtn The eBay Guy Gold Member

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    I'm here if you need an ear (or two), D.

    I'll be praying for you both.
     
  16. nam02G

    nam02G First throwing ax bullseye.

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    Sorry to hear this. It's tough to loose a parent. It's been five years for me and it still hurts daily.
     
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  17. Kevinr20

    Kevinr20

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    Very sorry to hear this. Best wishes to you.
     
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  18. TScottW99

    TScottW99 Bird Catcher

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    Keeping you and your Mom in my prayers.The people at hospice are angels.
     
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  19. DaveD

    DaveD Ex-Mod Moderator Millennium Member

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    It's a tough time, remember the good memories and as best you can involve her in the decisions that are ahead.
     
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  20. nursetim

    nursetim

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    Prayers to both of you.

    DannyB, there is hospice and that’s pretty much it. Hospice care can happen anywhere. The definition of hospice appropriate is: “less than six months to live if the disease follows its usual course.”
    My job in hospice was to recertifications of eligibility. Pt.s get 3 months, then another 90 days, then they need to recertify. I’ve had patients on hospice for 5 years, but could document decline. I have also ‘graduated’ folks from hospice. Many times we go in and cut out all nonessential medications. As a result, their condition improve for awhile.

    JLA, talk to the hospice nurse about your concerns, they are possibly reasonable. The lung mass could very well be cancer and that certainly would explain weight loss. Regardless, she will be well cared for. Talk to the hospice chaplain, even if you are atheist, they will have insights from their experiences with death.