Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the diary entries from last year's deer hunt. 1:00 am - Alarm clock rings. 2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed. 3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup. 3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods. 3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun. 3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight. 4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent. 4:30 am - Head into the woods. 6:05 am - See eight deer. 6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger. 6:07 am - "Click." 6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill. 8:00 am - Head back to camp. 9:00 am - Still looking for camp. 10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is. Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries. 12:15 pm - Run out of bullets. Eight deer come back. 12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach. 12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries. 12:45 pm - Rescued. 12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped. 3:00 pm - Arrive back in camp. 3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer. 4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets. 4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again. 5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you. 6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp. 6:01 pm - Load gun. 6:02 pm - Fire gun. 6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck. 6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer. 6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner. 6:07 pm - Fall into fire. 6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire. 6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods. 6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block. 6:26 pm - Start walking. 6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud. 6:35 pm - Meet bear. 6:36 pm - Take aim. 6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:38 pm - Make mess in pants. 6:39 pm - Climb tree. 9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree. Midnight - Home at last. Next day - Watch football games on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.