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Hunting Season

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Nov 12, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the diary entries from last year's deer hunt.
    1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
    2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
    3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
    3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
    3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
    3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
    4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
    4:30 am - Head into the woods.
    6:05 am - See eight deer.
    6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
    6:07 am - "Click."
    6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
    8:00 am - Head back to camp.
    9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
    10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
    Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
    12:15 pm - Run out of bullets. Eight deer come back.
    12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
    12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
    12:45 pm - Rescued.
    12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
    3:00 pm - Arrive back in camp.
    3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer.
    4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
    4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
    5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
    6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.
    6:01 pm - Load gun.
    6:02 pm - Fire gun.
    6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.
    6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
    6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
    6:07 pm - Fall into fire.
    6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.
    6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.
    6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
    6:26 pm - Start walking.
    6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
    6:35 pm - Meet bear.
    6:36 pm - Take aim.
    6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.
    6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.
    6:39 pm - Climb tree.
    9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.
    Midnight - Home at last.
    Next day - Watch football games on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces - place in envelope and mail to Game Warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.