TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner,enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for five minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Apply after shower body oil. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray potential mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel making a turban. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel turban on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No) Get in shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth... You don't use one. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Fart in the shower & laugh at how loud it is. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt using your wife's aloe & lavender facial soap, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the bar. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to the bedroom naked drying off hair on the way. If you pass your wife, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.