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How to go the the bathroom at work..........

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by ATL Peach Girl, Jun 27, 2003.

  1. ATL Peach Girl

    ATL Peach Girl ♥Meezers♥

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    HOW TO POOP AT WORK

    We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
    back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below.
    As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
    inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
    Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.


    CROP DUSTING
    When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not
    in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
    came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
    fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
    has left your pants.


    FLY BY
    The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check
    for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
    come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People
    may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
    bathroom.


    ESCAPEE
    A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
    poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
    embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
    Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in
    the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.
    It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes
    both parties feel uneasy.


    JAILBREAK
    When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
    This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this
    should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has
    left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
    occurred.


    COURTESY FLUSH
    The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
    This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
    bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
    SHAME.


    WALK OF SHAME
    Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
    stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
    someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
    that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
    COURTESY FLUSH.


    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
    A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will>
    often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
    newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the
    office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.


    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
    A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
    goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
    whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.


    SAFE HAVENS
    A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
    expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
    sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
    bathroom.


    TURD BURGLAR
    Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
    force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
    moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
    remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
    avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.


    CAMO-COUGH
    A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
    are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
    alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
    conjunction with an ASTAIRE.


    ASTAIRE
    A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that
    you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
    is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately
    so the pooper can poop in peace.


    WATERMELON
    A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water.
    This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon
    coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.


    HAVANA OMELET
    A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
    toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a
    Camo-Cough with an Astaire.


    UNCLE TED
    A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
    extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the
    pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper,
    as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
    benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
     
  2. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    ROTFLMAO. That is funny Miss Peach welcome down here to the lighter
    side. Dont see you much here;) :cool: ;a
     

  3. ChuteTheMall

    ChuteTheMall Wallbuilder and Weapon Bearer

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    Never give an Uncle Ted a Courtesy Flush!:(
     
  4. potshot

    potshot

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    This thread is outta control. HOLY COW
    P.S. I never take a dump at work. I always give one.;f ;f
     
  5. WhiskeyMike1032

    WhiskeyMike1032

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    I regularly take part in a Government sponsored hostage release program...

    ...since I work for the Gov't.