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How Florida Was Created

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Boogity Boogity, Jul 7, 2003.

  1. Boogity Boogity

    Boogity Boogity Atkins Man

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    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him resting on the seventh day. He inquires of God, "Where have you been?"

    God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward
    through the clouds. "Look, Michael, look what I've made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a
    planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it
    earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.

    "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of the earth, "For example, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Africa is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold and covered with ice."

    The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land
    mass with oceans as it borders and said, "What's that one?"

    "Ah," said God, "that's Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes, and climate. The people from Florida are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then exclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance! Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call Florida!"

    God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm sending down from the North every winter!"
     
  2. kf4zra

    kf4zra I miss ya Murph

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    heheh

    i think the population of the state doubles in the winter months. the snowbirds can piss you off, but when you remember that its them and the tourists that make up for having no state income tax, i guess i can live with em.

    why do they call it tourist season if we cant shoot em?

    John (when im old im gonna move up north and drive slow) :)
     

  3. pistolwhipped

    pistolwhipped ***FUBAR***

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    I love Snow Birds. Taste like chicken. ;P
     
  4. Dennis in MA

    Dennis in MA Get off my lawn

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    What would all of your auto-body shops do without snowbirds???

    BTW - is there even a maternity ward IN Florida at all??? Been down there many many times, never met someone who was actually BORN THERE. LOL
     
  5. kf4zra

    kf4zra I miss ya Murph

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    i only one of a few people that i know that were actually born here :)

    "welcome to florida, where america comes to die."

    John
     
  6. .45Ranger

    .45Ranger

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    "Would the last American to leave Miami please bring the flag with you?"

    BTW I was born in the Keys. Don't know if that qualifies as Florida but there ya go.
    ;Y
     
  7. ChuteTheMall

    ChuteTheMall Wallbuilder and Weapon Bearer

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    My two nephews and two of their kids were born in Tampa.
    Tom Petty was born in Gainesville.
    Famous Amos was born in Tallahassee.
    Jacksonville claims most of Lynryd Skynyrd & the Allman Brothers, as well as Pat Boone.
    Miami brags about Sidney Poitier, Faye Dunaway and Janet Reno.
    Melbourne hatched Jim Morrison of The Doors.


    Mark Twain, also know as Samual Clemons, was born in Florida, MO., but that might not count.

    That's all of the legitimate births ever recorded in Floriduh, plus the GT members who fessed up.
     
  8. mhambi

    mhambi κολασμένος

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    ahhh Florida.




















    America's wang.

    ;f ;e ;f
     
  9. sigsrbest

    sigsrbest "Clique"member

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    and here all this time i thought it was just a huge turd that didn't get wiped off...;f
     
  10. bayerta

    bayerta Former Marine

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    Who in there right mind would brag about Janet Reno??

    I was born in Kissimmee, Florida. It took me 16 long years to get away. North Carolina is so much better.
     
  11. pistolwhipped

    pistolwhipped ***FUBAR***

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    I am a Tampon , born and raised.(you know what that makes me)
    I saw Tom Petty in a local nightspot in Gainsville when I went to school there.(Late 70's) I don't recall if they were the "Heartbreakers" then.
     
  12. vertigo7

    vertigo7

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    Born in Jacksonville, FL... still haven't managed to escape yet ;f
     
  13. Skofnung

    Skofnung Grimmbeorn

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    Yes that is right, I am a Florida native. Born and raised in Tallahassee. Granted, Northern Florida is not like South Florida, we actually have a change of seasons here ;f We also don't (yet) have the problem of tourists, high cost of living, or little blue haired lady drivers.

    I would not live in South Florida if you paid me to. The only good thing about it is the fishing (which is OUTSTANDING)
     
  14. ChuteTheMall

    ChuteTheMall Wallbuilder and Weapon Bearer

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    In the early '70's he performed, often for free student concerts on the lawn at the U of F with his band, which was Mudcrutch.

    Leaving FL was a good career move.

    Stephen Stills attended the University of Florida for about ONE WEEK before he dropped out, another good career move.

    Col. Paul Tibbets, who commanded the flight which bombed Hiroshima, took ROTC at U. of F.

    That's the end of the list of famous Floridians, unless carpetbaggers like Burt Reynolds count.
     
  15. mdb212

    mdb212 demigod

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    Florida native. All my life except for 4 years in Uncle Sam's Army.

    BTW, I think snowbirds are too gamey. They remind me of what I imagine a buzzard would taste like . . . .