Helpful Hints

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Dec 10, 2002.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

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    Sep 10, 2001
    (Maybe I could suggest some of these to Martha and she could use them on her show!)

    Helpful Hint #1
    If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

    Helpful Hint #2
    Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    Helpful Hint #3
    Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

    Helpful Hint #4
    Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

    Helpful Hint #5
    An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.

    Helpful Hint #6
    Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.

    Helpful Hint #7
    High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

    Helpful Hint #8
    A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
  2. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    Jan 31, 1999