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Healthy eating

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Mar 19, 2004.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Messages:
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    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    Muskogee Ok.
    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
    heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the
    life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
    And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient
    mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
    chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable slop.

    Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

    A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
    all know, scientists divide everything in the world in to three categories:
    animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
    animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
    leave one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your
    liquid vegetables.

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
    one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain? Good.

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In
    fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
    for you?

    Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

    A: Thicker gravy.

    Q: Will sit-ups prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans - another vegetable! It's the best
    feel-good food around.

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a veggie! One more thing... when
    life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.