> Newspaper Headlines in 2035 > > Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. > > White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. > > Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops &livestock. > > Baby conceived naturally.... scientists stumped. > > Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.) > > Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. > > Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. > > George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. > > Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only. > > A 35-year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. > > Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. > > Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. > Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants. > > Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches. > > Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. > > New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036. > > Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. > > IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75% > > Average price of a single family home in Southern California is $2,500,000. and a three bedroom apartment now rents for $8,000 a month. > > Celebrating Christmas now officially a felony as it offends too many people.."