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Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by Finestkind, Jan 27, 2020.
So much pain...I'm sorry for all the losses here.
There's more to such loss.
Here's the Before: The baby room had been prepared, meticulously painted, Crib assembled together, linens and blankets bought, name chosen, people knew. Boxes of diapers and furniture that you spent months shopping together. Then the room is empty. And after awhile, you have to move things out.
Here's the After: empty house, it feels. Quiet. Not sure what music to play. No one going into the baby room. A little heart contains bits of the cremated ash. Clothes, brand new, going to boxes, not sure to be given away because you don't want to pass on bad luck. Female breast doesn't know there's no baby, it gets full and physically painful, but no baby to feed, in fact it reminds mom that she lost a new born, reminds several times a day in pain. Weeks in and weeks out. It's like living in hell. Husband and wife cried out every night, in separate beds. Wondering what life could have been like. There was all the expectations that will never come true.
Then there's spiritual challenge. Asking 'Why me' and 'Why us'. Two distinct choices: You either blame God or You have even stronger, much stronger faith. If you achieved the latter, you're in good shape.
My wife's sister lost a son last year. He was 51. He was married twice and had 3 children from his first, who are now all finished or about to finish college. Had good jobs, just could not stop drinking although my SIL and her husband tried everything and spent tons of money trying to help him. They are inconsolable still and in therapy.
Affects my wife also as she baby sat him from birth and thru the years. I don't think I could handle losing one of mine.
This thread makes me even more appreciative for my two kids. I can't imagine what those of you have gone through that loss have dealt with. Just no words.
Folks don't mention it because you just don't post everything on the internet, loosing a child is far worst than loosing you father and mother combined. Its a personal thing and its heavy in the heart. the pain is unexplained. How does one explain the pain in he head and heart and feels like cursing God out and add that with wanting to die so that child can live.
After a divorce, if the woman wants to keep the father from seeing his son, she can and WILL do exactly that. Court action to protect father's rights are a joke and it becomes a money pit that sucks up every Dollar the man has!
My son didn't die. He was stolen.
Flash -- I feel for you...
I hope he sees through this and someday you and he can establish a relationship.
I had to fight hard to have a relationship with my daughter.
I have not lost a child. I think it would kill me to loose my daughter. I do know three people that have lost children, one of the children I knew. All of them seem to have managed to get on with life. Someone mentioned the divorce rate after the death of a child. Of those three people only one couple stayed together. I'm sure the death of the child isn't the only factor but it is a big one.
After reading all the stories of those that have lost a child I do take some consolation in that I can say that I saved some parents from the anguish of losing their child. I'd been a volunteer firefighter for a couple of years. One day I responded to a call for a baby not breathing. This was back in the early 80's so we responded in our personal vehicles to the scene of the call. I was the first person there. I walked into the house to find the young parents kneeling on the floor with their lifeless baby in the fathers arms. He was attempting to do CPR but failing through his tears and grief. I walked over, knelt down and took the baby from him. I don't know why, and I don't care really, but the moment I took that lifeless baby from the father it let out the most beautiful scream you ever wanted to hear. Things were very spread out in those days so it was several minutes before any fire engines or ambulances showed up. I never heard any follow-up on the child. I rarely heard anything after a call. But I hope that the child is still alive today.
From now on I'll think about him too. R.I.P. Zach.
My wife lost a boy shortly after birth long before we were married. When the anniversary of his death comes around she will be visibly upset even though it’s been nearly 25 years. I cannot fathom the pain she and all of you folks here have endured. You have my deepest sympathies.
My wife and I have lost two sons.
The loss of both was many years ago.
Twenty-one months apart.
I think of them every day.
shoeguns is spot on.
I cannot begin to fathom the pain and heartache of losing a child, and having to put them in the ground. I cannot imagine the strength it takes to wake up each and every morning afterwards.
I would rather have all my limbs torn from my body...than having to experience this pain.
Deepest condolences to all those who have lost a child.
Defiantly rough reading this thread, couldn’t imagine the pain some of you all have been through and pray I never have to endure it. My grandparents are still alive but their son, my dad, died 9 years ago from cancer. Not sure if that would be any easier compared to losing one young though. What makes my blood boil are people who hurt and kill their kids, those people need to be fed to pigs while still alive. Prayers for all of you who have lost one, I’m sure most on here wouldn’t hesitate to shoot the $hit with you or whatever if you ever needed someone to talk to to get your mind away from the sadness.
Just this past October my son lost his life in a motorcycle incident and let me tell you it is a life shattering experience! I have always been the tough kind but not heartless my son has come to me in my dreams as much as I feel they were dreams I would wake up and his urn would be in my arms. At some point I must have gotten out of bed picked up his urn and sat in my recliner holding him. He was 23
I’m approaching the 10th anniversary of my Nicole’s death. She was my only child and died in a hospital because they failed miserably on something easily diagnosed and treated. (Always, always ask questions. Don’t let your guard down) She was a sweet smart 11 year old. I was stationed in Washington DC and we took her everywhere and she developed a love of history. Played clarinet and loved to snow ski. As has been already stated by many, she is missed every day. After, at 46, my wife was pregnant but that baby boy was miscarried. My life has lost much of the fullness I once knew yet I strive to maximize each day.
I have a Devine Mercy Chaplet prayer card with “Jesus I trust in you” on the face. I take that approach.
Because my child has died I have had substantial time to reflect on an afterlife and regret. Evaluate for yourself now and make course corrections. Life is no guarantee.
My wife and I are a Compassionate Friends Chapter coleaders. If you’ve lost a child, grandchild, sibling at any age or from any cause you can find like people who completely understand.
Use Chapter Locator
If you have to interact with a parent who’s lost a child, this provides good information
Peace to the other parents who’ve lost a child.
I hadn't thought of the miscarriage aspect. My wife(and I) have had two. Very sad at the time but we have 3 healthy children and the miscarriages were in the first trimester. A different thing than later miscarriages or miscarriages for those who have never been able to have children. I feel for those people and wouldn't discount someone's feelings about even early miscarriages for those with healthy children but for me....there is just no comparison to the thought of losing a living child.
I "liked " this post not becuase I liked it, but to acknowledge the sorrow of it and to show my respects; my deepest sympathy to you, sir, I have a son who is about that age and to lose him would be a tragedy beyond imagining.
I thought long and hard before starting this thread because it is such a personal life altering event. We are both still angry and it has been 20 years. We are both still alive and productive because we have stayed together. If we had not there is no telling where we be or what would have happened to us. As mentioned above by Bouyboy Compassionate Friends was a massive help in dealing with this. We attended for a couple of years and did the annual balloon release until our local chapter faded away. The hope is by starting this thread is that if you are going through this you are not alone and we or I am sure many others here are available to talk or chat if you need to.
I understand where you are coming from and I thank you. Everyday seems like the first day