Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Islam All the camels were roaming throughout the land. The suicide belts were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that infidels soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of 72 virgins danced in their heads. And mamma in her burqa, and I in my headscarf cap, Had just pledged to Allah, a long dirt nap. When out on the sand there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my hideout to see what was the matter. Away to the door I flew like a flash, Tore open hinges and blew up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen debris Made the luster of my AK-47 more shiny. When, what to my suicidal eyes should appear, But a HMMWV with many Americans in the rear. With a mean old sergeant, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment theyd kill an Islamic. More rapid than lighting they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name! "Now Jones! Now, Smith! Now, Juarez and Pryor! On, platoon! On, men!, Open fire! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now fire away! Fire away! Fire away all!" And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The noise of an American Chinook. As I froze in my tracks, and was turning around, Through the door they came with a bound. They were dressed in camo from head to foot, And their BDUs were all dusty from helmet to boot. A bundle of bombs they pulled from my trash, And then they took aim at my sorry ***. They were mean and tough, unlike a Muslim elf, And when I saw them, I pissed all over myself! A wink of an eye and a twist of a head, Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread. They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work, And grabbed all my bombs, then turned with a jerk. And giving me the middle finger aside of their nose, They took all my guns; so now my jihad blows! The sergeant sprang to his HMMWV, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all drove like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "Well be back, you Muslim bastard, later tonight!"