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Groucho-isms

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by WilliePete, Aug 14, 2002.

  1. WilliePete

    WilliePete

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    Groucho-isms
    _http://printerfriendly.abcnews.com/printerfriendly/Print?fetchFromGLUE=true&GLUEService=ABCNewsCom

    [​IMG]
    If there's one celebrity
    who's as recognizable
    as Elvis, it's Groucho Marx.

    (Photo Courtesy of the Arthur Marx Collection) _




    "You've got the mind of a 4-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it!"



    [​IMG]
    Harpo, Chico and Groucho Marx
    in the 1938 film Room Service.

    (Photo Courtesy of the Arthur Marx Collection)


    In the roaring '20s, Groucho was finally a star. The Marx Brothers were the toast of Broadway, with hits like The Coconuts and Animal Crackers. They had struggled for years in obscure theaters and, now, Paramount Pictures had signed them to a fat contract.

    It was then that an exclusive country club in Sands Point, N.Y., invited Groucho and his family to join. Of course, that invitation was withdrawn when they found Groucho was Jewish. Club officials explained that Jews weren't allowed in the pool.

    "What about my son? He's only half Jewish," Groucho said. "Can he go into the water up to his knees?"



    [​IMG]
    Frank Ferrante, widely considered
    the foremost Groucho Marx interpreter,
    keeps the comic legend alive.

    (Photo Courtesy of the Arthur Marx Collection)


    Groucho-isms

    Here are some oft-quoted lines attributed to Groucho. Marx fans should note that some of these classics come from movies to which a variety of writers contributed.

    "Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?"

    "Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning."

    "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

    "A man is as young as the woman he feels."

    "Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

    "Now there's a man with an open mind — you can feel the breeze from here!"

    "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

    "Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."

    "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."

    "When I take a woman out to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."

    "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

    "Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

    Woman: "I've never been so insulted in my life."
    Groucho: "Well, it's early yet."

    "Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?"

    "I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One man for one woman was good for your grandmother. But who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody. Not even your grandfather!"

    "Time wounds all heels."

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

    Questionable Quotes

    The quotes below are widely attributed to Groucho. However, there's debate over whether Groucho had anything to do with them, including the classic, "Quote me as saying I was misquoted." Please e-mail the Wolf Files if you've got information on the origin of these gems.

    "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

    "There's one way to find out if a man is honest. Ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he is a crook."

    "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

    Copyright © 2002 ABC News Internet Ventures.
     
  2. RonC

    RonC

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    I like his quote:

    Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
     

  3. MarkP

    MarkP

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    outside of a dog , a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog ,it's to dark to read.
     
  4. Art Steitz

    Art Steitz magloader.com

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    I wouldn't be a member of any club that would have me as a member.
     
  5. Brian Dover

    Brian Dover

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    "This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know." "You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle." Oh, another country club story: I believe it was Harpo and Groucho, I know it was two of the brothers were playing golf at that same snooty club on a hot day; they took off their shirts at some point. A club bigwig saw this and reminded them that shirtless play was against the rules. So they put their shirts on and played the rest of the round without pants! The rulebook wasn't specific enough to stop this, IIRC. That country club never seemed to learn not to mess with the Marx bros.
     
  6. WolfmanGK

    WolfmanGK Super Plump

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    I don't think they had plastic surgery in the 20's. I think some of those quotes are wrong.
     
  7. RonC

    RonC

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    WolfmanGK:

    His TV show was in the 50s and they sure had plastic surgeons then. One highlight was when he had his daughter and Candice Burgen as guests as 9 year olds.
     
  8. LSC Guy

    LSC Guy

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    His daughter made one the neighbors mad, and the guy came over and raised hell. Groucho aplogized for her behavior and chastised her.

    Then he went into his house, got a pellet gun and shot all the guy's flowerpots.;i