Grandpa's last IRS audit

Peace Warrior · Mar 23, 2010

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and arranges a meeting with him and his lawyer to discuss the audit at the the IRS office.

The IRS auditor wasn't too surprised when Grandpa showed up with both his accountant and attorney. The agent also made a comment about how much professional counsel cost.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, we find you have, what some would consider to be, an extravagant lifestyle. yet, you have no gainful employment, but retain both an attorney as well as full time accountant, which you explain you are able to financially provide for yourself due to monies that you win while gambling. Sir, I need to advise you that the IRS finds that explanation of your income, well, to put it frankly, simply unbelievable."

Grandpa retorted, "But I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it if you will let me. May I give a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead and try to demonstrate this skill you have that makes you so much money."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment, and laughing says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops..

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he's just lost three grand, with both Grandpa's attorney and accountant as witnesses. He starts to get nervous and starts shuffling around papers from the Grandpa's file trying to proceed with the audit.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you double or nothing that while I'm standing next to your desk over on this side, I can piss into the wastebasket sitting under the credenza over on that side, and I won't get nary a drop on anything, anywhere in-between here and there."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again knowing that he'll break even.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and although he strains fervently, he can't even make the stream reach the other side of the desk, but instead pisses all over the auditor's desk and the papers from his own file.

The auditor simultaneously sighs with relief and laughs. In his excitement he exclaims, while smiling widely, "I got ya. I win!," all the while realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a break even result.

it was then that both Grandpa's attorney and accountant mumble and moan disappointingly.

"Are you two okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," quips the attorney, "Earlier, back in the elevator on the way up here, out client bet us $5000 each that he would come in here, piss on your desk, piss on the audit papers, and said you'd be happy and smiling about it when he was through."
Click to expand...

Mushinto · Mar 23, 2010

F'king great.

ML

harleyfx69 · Mar 23, 2010

thats a good twist on the "bar" version

Murph33 · Mar 23, 2010

Good find!

buckhunter3987 · Mar 23, 2010

There's one like that 'cept its grandma, the banker and his nuggets in her hands...

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Grandpa's last IRS audit

Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

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Grandpa's last IRS audit

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Peace Warrior Am Yisrael Chai CLM

Mushinto Master Member

harleyfx69

Murph33

buckhunter3987