Got into a fight with my .40 this morning

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Kodiak PA, Dec 26, 2004.

  1. Kodiak PA

    Kodiak PA Bear Land

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    Oct 26, 2002
    Whew! about communication problems. This fight really shocked me. So here's the deal.

    I wake up early this AM to reload. I had 600 primed and ready to go .45ACP. I have been rebuilding my Colt Combat Elite 1911 and have been really happy with the results. Fitted a new match barrel, bushing, triger, command style hammer, thumb safety, the whole bit. I have been breaking this gun in over the last few months, shooting and carrying it quite a bit. So I pull out my Glock 35 .40 this morning since I haven't used it since I got back from Thunder Ranch in November.

    So, I'm fondling her and dry firing her like I usually do and she is like totally ignoring me. Trigger's stiff, not talking to me. Giving me the real silent treatment. I'm thinking, "what the heck is the problem here?" I have been good to this gun.

    Me: Hey, what's all this tightening up the trigger squeeze stuff?
    G35: Why don't you ask her?
    Me: Her who?
    G35: You know who I am talking about.
    Me: What is the freak'n problem? What are you so PO'd about?
    G35: PO'd? PO'D? You mean you can figure it out Eienstein?
    Me: No!
    G35: I have been sitting in that safe for nearly two months. In that time, do you know how many times you handled me? Do you?
    Me: No
    G35: Twice. Twice in nearly two months...and that was just to rearrange my spot in the safe so you could get to Miss Match Barrel.
    Me: You mean the Colt? Oh, so that is what this is all about.
    G35: You love her more than me!
    Me: No I don't, that is not true.
    G35: You have totally ignored me since Thunder Ranch. Oh, I was good enough for you down there in Texas though, right? With the 100 degree heat and all the scorpions. You thoughtless SOB, I worked my *** off for you down there. Did you ever fire Miss Colt 1500 times in 5 days? Huh?
    Me: It's not that I didn't want to use you but I have been upgrading her and she required more attention.
    G35: More attention? Is that right? Oh, I see, you had to spend more time with that little pony slut because she's not as reliable as me, right? You had to upgrade her, huh? Is that what they call it nowadays? What is her problem? She's gotta have these facelifts to make her work right? it because my grip is bigger than hers? Is that it? You want a gun with thinner grips?
    Me: No! You grips are just is not that at all.
    G35: Is it because I am getting a bit worn? Is that it? Let's see Miss Colt look like this after being fired 14,000 times. How many times has she served you? Huh?
    Me: About 2000 times
    G35: 2000 times? Is that it? You're talking already about sending her to Robar for his Roguard treament already? After only 2000 times? Hell, you didn't even send me to Glockmeister for my coating until I had 10,000 rounds plus!
    Me: Yeah, but she is older than you and I'm the second owner and I have filed her a know, for fittings.
    G35: Oh, that little hussy has to be fitted, eh? Well tell me, Mr. two timer, how many times have you had to put a file to me?
    Me: Uh....never
    G35: That is right and after you got me the right springs how many times have I jammed on you since Mr. Ismi fixed my hi-caps? Please tell me.
    Me: Ahhhh....maybe once or twice
    G35: And what about Miss precious Colt? How many jams has she had in the last two months.
    Me: 5
    G35: 5? 5! That many in just 2,000 rounds. Oh please, the poor darling must be exhausted. Maybe you should change out all her springs and pins, huh? This is because of those misfires, isn't it?
    Me: No, those misfires at Thunder Ranch could have happened to anybody.
    G35: You're damn right. You're suppose to clean me every once in a while. Any gal can get carbon in her chamber. Is it too much to ask you to stick a Q-Tip down my chamber every once in a while? Is it? C'mon, you know my spring cups get covered in carbon. The same thing happened to my little sister, the G34 you know.
    Me: Yes dear, I know. I promise I will clean your chamber every 10,000 rounds from now on.
    G35: I want it every 5,000 rounds. Let's see Miss Colt give the same service.
    Me: How about every 7,000 rounds.
    G35: OK
    Me: Hey, did I tell you?
    G35: Tell me what?
    Me: I'm sending you to Robar, too.
    G35: You are! What for?
    Me: I little lady am going to give you an early birthday present.
    G35: You are? Really? Not the.......
    Me: Yes, I am!
    G35: (jumping up and down all happy) You're finally going to get me those forward cocking serrations I have been asking for since round 2,347?
    Me: Yes I am. And tell you what else?
    G35: What?
    Me: I'm gonna load your hi-caps and carry you today.
    G35: You are?
    Me: Yes, I am
    G35: Oh sweetie! Just don't use Mag #1, it was the one that caused those jams that day.
    Me: OK, I will use mags 2 and 4
    G35: And the Corbon DPX's, too!
    Me: And the Corbon DPX's
    G35: I love youuuuuuuuuu
    Me: I love you, too.

    I have been feeling kind of weird lately. You know, thinking I need some type of help. I can't figure it out. Oh well, I showed that Glock today, didn't I guys. Feel free to use my technique on satisfying your auto. Works really well with SIGS, too. Especially that 220ST model......
  2. HAVOC

    HAVOC Remember CLM Millennium Member

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    Jun 20, 1999
    Location: Location:

    I guess this confirms the internet yarn about the man to woman ratio in Alaska being four or five to one...

    Are you sure that's a Q-Tip you're using?

  3. ubimow


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    May 13, 2002
  4. ThreadKiller

    ThreadKiller Socialism Sucks

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    May 5, 2004
    No way! 220ST's are strictly a down to earth piece of firearm machinery. They definitely are not a high maintenance system. No need to treat them to perfumed oils and such. Just give 'em a pat on the back now and then and call it good.

    Good luck with the 35. Sounds like it likes lots of attention. :)

  5. bachchoy

    bachchoy Bond

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    Dec 28, 2003
    My Old Kentucky Home.