Home > The Main Room > The Okie Corral > Got asked to refrain from carrying...

Got asked to refrain from carrying...

  1. Back story: Not very many of my friends own firearms. I didn't start getting into guns until about 3 years ago. None of us came up around them and it just wasn't something that we were exposed to. None of these friends are rabid anti's either; they're part of the segment of our society that doesn't own guns and doesn't really have much of an opinion either way. I have a couple of friends in particular (husband and wife) that I met a few years ago through my best friend and his wife. We'll call them Couple A and Couple B, respectively. Couple A are a little younger; she's 28 and he's 25. Couple A has a birthday party coming up at their house for their little girl (she's turning 3).

    Yesterday, I'm hanging out with my best friend and he tells me that Couple A have requested that in the future I not carry in their home. This came as a surprise to me. Couple A has recently indicated an interest in going to the range and they have never given any indication of being anti-gun in any capacity. As I was telling my best friend, I do my best to educate people whenever possible and above all, to be a positive example of legal firearm ownership. FTR, he agrees with me in the sense that it's a request being made with some sort of irrational foundation, and he is just the messenger. They turned to him because they know he can speak frankly with me and I won't get mad at him.

    Here's the dilemma. It is their home. I have no choice but to respect their wishes if I want to be in their home. Their neighborhood doesn't happen to be the greatest. It is a prime example of a Florida neighborhood that got built up in the bubble and moved into by people who borrowed more than they could afford. Many of the houses are vacant. Some were bought by people at a fire sale discount when the bubble popped and rented out. A lot of less than desirable people find themselves in this neighborhood loitering. Long story longer, it's not the type of neighborhood where I'd feel comfortable leaving a pistol in my car, even if it is in a car safe or in the glove box (which locks with the key to the car).

    My initial inclination is that concealed means concealed. Then again, I don't like the idea of lying to my best friend. So I turn to you fine folks. Especially those who have had a similar experience. What did you do? What would you do? Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
  2. I carry everywhere I go, if someone asks me not to carry around them/in their home I simply respect their wishes and stay away from them/their home.

    Everybody wins!
  3. Perhaps you suggest that they have the party for their daughter at your place? I'm assuming it's in a better neighborhood any way...
  4. Talk to the friends that asked you're other friends to tell you.

    If they aren't willing to talk to you about an issue, should you really be hanging out with them? I know any of my friends would talk to me personally about anything without concern about my reaction...
  5. Lying to them and not respecting their wishes is not good. I believe the decision is to not carry in their home or not go to their home.
  6. Easier said than done. She loves to cook and have people over, so they have a lot of "events" at their house. I don't want to miss out on getting to see my friends.
  7. If they were my friends I would just call them up, or ask the guy to meet me at the bar and discuss it over a beer. Just see what the issue is and see if it is something that can be worked out through discussion.

    After talking with them about it, not through a messenger, if they still had a problem with it then I would acknowledge their opinion and honor their wishes.
  8. I would talk to them first...
  9. I was thinking about this also. I understand why they went the route that they did, but I would have obviously preferred that they come to me themselves. I'm still kind of beside myself about this whole thing.
  10. Then we disagree. I have events at my house too, where I'm not beholden to the wishes of others.

    I don't miss time with my friends by not hanging out with irrational people.
  11. Yeah...I think this is the route that's gonna be taken.
  12. i would call them and ask what the reason is that they dont want you carrying in their home not in a smart manner just curious as to what the reason is.
    then i would explain to them about your perception of their neighborhood
    if that didnt change their minds abt you bringing a firearm into their home then you have to decide if you still want to venture into that neighborhood unarmed.
    if it were me i would decide if i wanted to go back to their house if so i would make use of a belly band or other deep concealment weapon and lie my ass off to them abt having it.
    i would rather lie than die in that situation
    but thats just me
    cause if someone figures out that these ppl are a no weapon home then they may want to try a forced entry home invasion
    how are you gonna feel if someone busts in there and robs, rapes or murders the occupants?? and there you are sitting there with no shooter?
    i carry everywhere i go and where i cant carry i dont go
    but again thats just me
  13. I'm not just talking about them (couple A). I'm talking about the 20 other people that are there that could care less what's in my waistband. Getting us all together at the same time is a rare feat, and I like to enjoy those times. It just so happens that they tend to host many of them.
  14. I would comply with their safety concerns only if the reply in kind to yours:

    All knives removed from the kitchen
    All cleaning fluids removed from the home
    All sharp corners padded
    All blunt objects removed from the home
    All items that could be fashioned into shivs removed
    All fire exits clearly marked

    All joking aside, I would respect their wishes, it is their home, and I simply would not go over there any more.
  15. Ask her why. Is it a safety issue with her kid? Does she not want you in a houseful of other guests at the party while packing. Other parents may get upset even though your friends have been ok to this point. I can understand this point, as I would likely have my guns secured at my own kids party.

    Why dont you ask her if they have a secure place to put it while you are there? Explain that you are afraid to leave it in the car in case of a break in while at their house. You may think of a better way to put that comment.

    Explain to your friend to grow a pair and talk to his wife. (Prolly not the best option).

    For gods sake, just ask. If you are offended, you probably wont be coming to the party anyway. Get it out in the open and get 'er done.

  16. Should have been concealed and private in the first place. Then it wouldn't be an issue. Now you need to either leave it behind or not attend. You already came across as a little wobbly due to proselytizing. Disrespecting their wishes regarding their own home would compound the issue. Forcing further discussion on the issue would just make you look irrational. And sure, they may live in a questionable neighborhood, but you're far from in imminent danger. Most ccw'ers will live a full and natural life without ever having needed a firearm for self defense.

  17. You've answered your own question.
    It's their home and their rules.

    With that 2nd amendment right also comes responsibility.
    Something a lot of CC people don't understand.
    Or don't care?
  18. Another option would be to explain your concerns about the neighborhood and your desire to be prepared. If the issue is you being around their child while armed you could ask them if they had a place in their home for you to secure the weapon while you are visiting.

    Drat, glockrod got his response in while I was typing mine.
  19. Then your quandry is one only you can answer: Which is more important to you? You attending events in a home run by irrational people among your friends or carrying a gun in a place you'd rather not be unarmed.

    You could lie but, I'd hope you'd have more ethics than that.
  20. Apparently not. Why do so many know you carry?
  21. Leave the pistol at home.

    Carry a large sword attached to your belt instead.
  22. Leave it in the car. Enjoy the party. Everyone stays friends. If you feel comfortable enough at the party bring it up for discussion in the most polite and private way possible. Chances of it being stolen are extremely slim especially given there will be several other cars there at the same time.
  23. What do you have more of an issue with: Not carrying in their home or leaving it locked in your car?
  24. Because they are friends. My friends are aware of my interests, including golf, shooting, baseball, etc. This is the first time any of those interests has become an issue.
  25. If then after discussing it with them they are still uncomfortable with you carrying then just continue to go over there and have a good time (without carrying of course).

    We all would like to be able to carry everywhere all the time, but the fact of the matter is that we cannot. There are many places I go everyday where I am restricted by law to carry, but life goes on none the less. Just remember that just because you do not have your firearm on you does not mean you are defenseless; situational awareness among other things are your best defenses to begin with.

    I would get a nice safe for my vehicle and secure it properly in a hidden area. When I went to my buddy's house I would lock it up and make sure I keep an eye on the vehicle from time to time.
  26. I'll give you a thought.. This is how I "beat" an anti (my cousin) just the other day...

    (True story)

    I said, "If you were in bed one night and you heard somebody in your house, would you WISH you had a gun in your hand"?.. She thought about it for a minute and said "I guess I would".

    Then I said, "If you were walking to your car at night and you saw a man following you in an empty mall parking lot, would you WISH you had a gun in your purse"?.. She said "I guess so".

    I said, "If you were with your daughter (kids always make impact) in virtually any event and a crazed maniac was coming at you, would you WISH you had a gun in your hand to protect your daughter?" She said, "I guess I would".

    So I said.. You and I are virtually the same.. the only difference is, I wont be "wishing". Her response.. A smile and the comment "Good point".

    Try it that way with them... When people are met with such blatent obviousness and they are being put into the "position" they tend to understand more clearly.
  27. :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    I might try that. Or a baseball bat.
  28. If I only felt safe going into that neighborhood while armed, I think that I'd skip that neighborhood altogether...
  29. :thumbsup: Well written
  30. Why not suggest a compromise that you both agree upon in advance? You carry your weapon to his house and "check" it in with him so he can put it in a safe place while you're in his home and he gives it back to you when you leave. It's a win-win because you get to carry to and from his home without worrying about your weapon being stolen and he has the peace of mind that you aren't carrying in his home. It's not perfect, but pretty close.
  31. no one finds out until you know they carry, or until you KNOW they won't have a problem with carrying in their home. a bit late for concealed means concealed.

    i wouldn't go back over there, but then again i think you're inventing some if not all of this l.o.l. just kidding it all sounds about right. classic dillemma. textbook. you even took them to the range first & they 18o'd.

    good luck!
  32. You're in a tough spot, and one I hope to never find myself in. On the one hand, they're your friends and -- as a friend -- you want to respect their wishes. On the other, you know more about their neighborhood than we do, and maybe even more about it than they do, and one thing to consider is where your gun will be when you're visiting them. Can you secure it in your car appropriately? Would you be leaving it at home entirely?

    I don't really have a quick and dirty "DO THIS" answer, because you know your friends better than us...but I'd suggest sitting down and talking to them. Don't let your buddy keep being the guy in the middle playing messenger, because that puts him in a bad spot and it means no one's getting the straight scoop -- go right to the couple that don't want your gun in their home, and have a talk with them about why. They're your friends. It'll work out one way or another, but I think your best bet is to talk to them about it.
  33. So you need to choose.

    Do you respect your friends so you can enjoy their company?


    Do you disrespect your friends and ignore their request (which would be a serious violation of their castle as well.)?


    Do you not go to their home ever again?

    You have to make the choice, I personally can't say what I would do as I don't know the people and don't know the relationship you have with them. BUT if they went to someone else to act as the messenger then maybe they aren't as good of friends as you think. Just my opinion.
  34. 1. They shouldn't know you carry. Tell noone.

    2. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who didn't trust me to be armed in their home.
  35. A true friend talks to a person directly.

    They need to tell you, no messenger. Had I been in your shoes, then I'd be looking at a break from hanging out with them until they can come to their senses. That's just my opinion, but I'll tell you that it'd get me fairly disappointed with my friends if they felt it necessary to have someone else deliver the message.

    It appears that you'd like to know why, and the only way you'll find that out is speaking directly with them. If they have an irrational fear, maybe you can fix it. If you can't fix it, then you've either got to sacrifice going over to their house, or sacrifice carrying your pistol.
  36. Thanks for the advice folks...I just left couple A's husband a VM to see if he wants to meet for coffee later. We'll see what happens.
  37. Does the couple in question know for certain that none of the 20 other people are carrying?

    Personally I had the same issue with my mother in-law, so the wife and I stopped going to her home ... after a couple of months she changed her mind and let me carry in her home.
  38. I doubt that any of them are. This isn't a group that came up around guns. I could be wrong, but I'm fairly certain that of all of us, my wife and I are the only ones that own guns.

  39. Knowing that you like guns, and that you shoot or hunt, is different than knowing you are carrying a gun on you.

    I have some friends that might not want me carrying in their house. They know I hunt, and know I have handguns, and therefore can deduce that I have a permit to carry.

    But they do not know that I carry a gun. I've never told them.

    If they out of the blue told me not to carry a gun in their house, what would I do? Hmm, none of their business. I'd carry anyway. They don't need to know.

    If while at their house, they ask me if I'm carrying a gun, I'd say it is none of their business. They can either leave it at that, or they can ask me to leave. If they ask me to leave, then ok I'll leave. And friendship over.

    None of this, absolutely none of it, would be confrontational. I would simply just choose to ignore anti-gun feelings. I follow the law. I don't have to tell anti-gun people anything.
  40. Best reply in this thread!!
  41. I would carry concealed. If they ask, tell 'em you're not carrying. If they try to pat you down ... tell 'em you're insulted and leave. You got yourself into this predicament, albeit innocently, but it's a demonstration to us all what can happen if we talk to the wrong people. What if they asked you not to wear a religious symbol?

  42. :rofl:
  43. boycotting your m.i.l. would take balls, especially if you have kids. essentially an act of war. the o.p.'s are friends of only three years, & it's a three years old's party?!

  44. This is what I have done in the past. I respectfully tell them I wont be coming and why.

    In the end the people that wanted to stay friends listened to reason. If my friendship is not "good" enugh then I stay away. A win win situation.

    I do my best to stay nice and non-condescending when doing so
  45. This is what I agree with the most here, and I think it's spot on. I think it's foolish for some of us to sit around and say "well never go to their house again" or "make them remove every dangerous object in the house" just to be a jerk about things. Just as they should respect that you carry in your own home, it's my opinion that you should respect that they don't want you to carry in theirs. Carrying in their home would be the same as them asking you to disarm yourself if they came over to your house...completely irrational.

    Talking with couple A's husband isn't a bad idea at all. The truth is that some people aren't comfortable with guns, and never will be. Do you purposefully be a jerk to them so they have a bad taste for any and all gun owners, as some have suggested here? Up to you.

    My girlfriends parents are the same way. They do NOT like guns whatsoever, and they think that carry permits are hogwash. Sure, someday I'll have a conversation with them, and sure, sometimes I carry into their house (MTAC+G32+4 o'clock=concealed) if we stop over on our way home from something, but I don't carry into their house if we're going over for dinner or anything. Eventually we'll have the conversation about it, and they may never be OK with it. Frankly, I don't care either way. I will keep myself and their daughter safe (she doesn't care that I carry, she used to be staunchly against it though) because I choose to do so.

    If you skipped down here then all I have is this: respect is mutual, and so is disrespect.
  46. I had a friend that would OC into my house. I am not anti-OC by any means, but I asked him not to bring his gun past the fridge when he came into my home. It was a personal call that I believed he was not responsible enough to have a firearm on his person around me or my child. If he would have lied to me and carried it anyway, not only would he not be allowed in my home any longer, I would have terminated our friendship.
  47. Dont ask, dont tell!
    Zip the lip on people you think you can trust about your ccw!
    It's your priveledge, not couple A's.:faint:
  48. That is the question that I'd ask the couple and I would point out that there is no way to know for certain unless they search them.
  49. Just sprint from the car to the house and when the party is over reverse it.
  50. Dang, I didn't even see that one. It is a great reply.