A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Screaming in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee' is still a virgin in every way." The doctor told him, "Your testicles are fine, but I'll have to put your thing in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took 4 tongue depressors and formed a neat 4-sided splint, and wired it. Altogether an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her the following week and they leave on their honeymoon. That night in the hotel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts -- and this was the first that he had seen of them. She said, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." Next she takes off her panties and says, "You're the first, no one has ever touched me here." Barely able to contain himself, he immediately drops his pants and replies "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"