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Glass eye

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, May 29, 2003.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

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    Subject: Glass Eye

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there
    is a gorgeous redhead
    sitting at the next table. He has been checking
    her out since he sat down,
    but lacks the nerve to talk with her.


    Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes
    flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches
    out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

    "Oh, my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she
    pops her eye back in place.

    "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
    They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theatre,
    followed by drinks.

    They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest
    dreams and he shares his. She listens.

    After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
    her place for a nightcap .........and stay for breakfast.

    The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with
    all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO
    incredible!!!!

    "You know," he says, "you are the perfect woman.
    Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

    "No," she replies........."


    "You just happened to catch my eye."
     
  2. MarksGlock22

    MarksGlock22 The Punisher

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    Come on okie. That was bad. ;T But funny too. ;i
     

  3. Rebeldon

    Rebeldon

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    How 'bout this'n?

    An old man hired a dozen day laborers to dig some holes on his land so he can install fence posts. After he dropped the laborers off and showed them where to dig the holes, he left and went to the lumber yard to buy the posts. When he returned he noticed that the laborers haven't made much progress. He popped out his glass eye and propped it up on top of a tree stump, facing the workers, and tells them that he's going to keep an eye on them while he's gone to see who is working and who is loafing. After he leaves again, the laborers really hustle. In only a couple of hours they were nearly finished digging all the holes for the fence posts. Then Jose, the smartest of the bunch stopped, looked at the eye and scratched his head. The he says, "Hey amigos, the old man...he been playing us for fools!" With that, he dropped his shovel and walked over to the glass eye the old man propped up on top of the tree stump. Then he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out his handkerchief and covered up the glass eye. ;f
     
  4. Steve Koski

    Steve Koski Got Insurance? Millennium Member

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    Hey, that could work.
     
  5. gwalchmai

    gwalchmai Lucky Member

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    Obnoxious drunk walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. Bartender suggests he attempt a physical improbability.

    Drunk then offers a wager. "I bet you I can bite my eye. If I lose I'll leave and never bother you again. If I win I get a free drink".

    Bartender figures it's worth it to be rid of the pest so he agrees. Drunk then removes his glass eye and lightly bites it.

    Bartender pours a drink, while offering several suggestions regarding the drunk's mother.

    After a while the drunk offers the bartender another wager. "I bet you I can bite my OTHER eye. If I lose I'll leave and never bother you again. If I win I get two more free drinks".

    Bartender says "I saw this guy walk in, so I know he ain't got two glass eyes." So he takes the bet.

    Drunk then removes his false teeth, and gently bites his good eye. Bartender turns red, then purple, as he pours the drunk his drinks.

    Drunk then says "Look, I got one more trick. I bet you a quarter I can pee all over you without getting you wet." Bartender is so mad by now he agrees, figuring the drunk has another good trick to show him.

    Drunk stands up on the bar and pees all over the bartender, soaking him to the skin with foul smelling urine. Drunk then reaches into his pocket and tosses the bartender a coin, saying "Here's your quarter".
     
  6. Rebeldon

    Rebeldon

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    A man sitting at a bar told the bar tender that he will bet him $300 he can stand on top of the bar and pee into a shot glass sitting on the bar without getting a drop on the bar. The bar tender said, "You've got a deal!"

    The man climbed up onto the bar and stands up. He unzipped his trousers and pissed all over the bar top, not even getting one drop into the shot glass. The bar tender cheered loudly and ordered a round of drinks on the house. The man gladly payed the bar tender his money and even offered to clean the mess, which he does.

    Later that night, at closing time, the bar tender saw a drunk man sitting in the corner, nursing a drink. "What's the matter, buddy?", the bartender asked.

    The man replied, "Earlier tonight, I lost a $1000 bet agaist some clown who said he could piss all over the bar and it would make you happy."
     
  7. ChuteTheMall

    ChuteTheMall Wallbuilder and Weapon Bearer

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    A few days before his proctological exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

    He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

    Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed his instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him!

    "You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."