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Glad I'm in the USAF, re:New Army Policy

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by aplcr0331, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. aplcr0331

    aplcr0331

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    NEW FY10 ARMY POLICY

    1. Please disseminate to Soldiers at all levels. As result of Senate
    proposed force reductions and budget cuts, the Department of the Army
    has developed a program to reduce its number of personnel. This program
    is under test phase and will take affect 1 October 2009 (FY10).

    Under this new program, older Soldiers will be asked to go on early
    retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger Soldiers who
    will represent the future. Therefore, this program will phase out older
    Soldiers by the end of the current fiscal year. This initial phase of
    the program will be known as SLAP (Soldier Late-Aged Program).

    2. Soldiers who are SLAP'd will be given the opportunity to look for
    jobs outside the Army. SLAP'd Soldiers can request a review of their
    personnel records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of
    the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early
    Workers). All Soldiers who have been SLAP'd or SCREW'd may file an
    appeal with their chain of command with final authority at the MAJCOM
    level. This is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
    Termination).

    3. Under the terms of the new policy, a Soldier may be SLAP'd once,
    SCREW'd twice, but may be SHAFT'd as many times as the Army deems
    appropriate.

    4. If a Soldier follows the above procedures, he/she will be entitled to
    get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
    CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has
    AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).

    5. As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any Soldier who has
    received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAP'd or SCREW'd by the Army.

    6. The Army wishes to assure the younger Soldiers who remain on board
    that the Army will continue its policy of training through our Special
    High Intensity Training (****). This Army takes pride in the amount of
    **** our Soldiers receive. We have given our Soldiers more **** than any
    other service.

    If any Soldier feels they do not receive enough **** at
    their current post, see your immediate supervisor.

    YOUR SUPERVISOR IS SPECIALLY TRAINED TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVE ALL THE **** YOU CAN STAND.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  2. Annoyedgrunt

    Annoyedgrunt Dry Heat my ASS

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    You had me at first- I was thinking "Here it comes, the downsizing of the military..." until I got to SLAP. Good read! :rofl:
     

  3. DriBak

    DriBak GUNS UP Millennium Member

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    Typical from an air farce member
     
  4. Geko45

    Geko45 Smartass Pilot CLM

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    Hey, we know how to fight a war!

    [​IMG]
     
  5. DukeNukem

    DukeNukem

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    Hello Miss July...or is that Kim?