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Get This Conspiracy Stopped!

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by scooterbear, Nov 7, 2003.

  1. scooterbear

    scooterbear

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    Location:
    Summit, MS
    Let the truth be heard!!!!!!!!!!

    Subject: We Must Stop This immediately



    Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
    seems uphill from where you are?

    Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther
    away.. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to
    discover how long our street had become!

    And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
    ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up
    they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent
    message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip
    reader?

    I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
    other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an
    old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even
    recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing
    my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own
    refection........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way
    they used to be!

    Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and
    limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All
    I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see
    them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

    Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would
    they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they
    think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist,
    hips, thighs, and bosom?

    The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in
    reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
    dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these
    people think they're fooling?

    I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on --
    but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed
    the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number
    in here!

    All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
    Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to
    suffer these awful indignities.

    PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE
    CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!