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Funny Classified Ads

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Glockrunner, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. Glockrunner

    Glockrunner HOOYA DEEPSEA

    Likes Received:
    Sep 10, 2001
    •Include your children when baking cookies!

    •Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

    •Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

    •Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

    •A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

    •Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

    •For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

    •For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

    •Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

    •Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

    •Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

    •Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

    •We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

    •No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

    •Great Dames for sale.

    •Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

    •Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

    •Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

    •Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

    •Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

    •The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

    •Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

    •Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

    •Stock up and save. Limit: one.

    •We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

    •Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

    •Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

    •Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

    •Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

    •Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

    •3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

    •Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

    •Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

    •Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

    •See ladies blouses. 50% off!