Fun at the mall

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by okie, Nov 11, 2002.

  1. okie

    okie GT Mayor

    Likes Received:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Muskogee Ok.

    1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished
    out of the reflecting pond.

    2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the
    salesperson if they make your butt look big.

    3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones
    in Radio Shack.

    4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms
    and helpfully volunteer to consume its now
    unwanted contents.

    5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY

    6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store
    whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or

    7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that
    makes them unsalable.

    8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...

    9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks.
    Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.

    10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while
    reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'

    11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.

    12. Ask a salesman why a particular tv is
    labeled black and white and insist that
    it's a color set. When he disagrees, give
    him a strange look and say, 'You mean you
    really can't see it?'

    13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool
    department of Sears.

    14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and
    pose as a fashion dummy in clothes
    departments, occasionally screaming
    without warning.

    15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.

    16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft
    is full of eels.

    17. If you're patient, stare intently into a
    surveillance camera for an hour while
    rocking from side to side.

    18. Sprint up the down escalator.

    19. Stare at static on a display tv and
    challenge other shoppers whether they,
    too, can see the 'hidden picture'.

    20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any
    tvs that play only in Spanish.

    21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

    22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department
    how well a particular saw cuts through bone.

    23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk
    discounts on gerbils, and whether there's
    much meat on them.

    24. Hula dance by the demonstration air

    25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

    26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume
    counter and spray *them* with your own
    bottle of Eau de Swane.

    27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the
    candy store, insisting that you lost a
    contact lens.

    28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade
    of panties matches the color of your beard.

    29. In the changing rooms, announce in a
    singsong voice, 'I see London, I see France...'

    30. Leave on the plastic string connecting
    a new pair of shoes, and wander around the
    mall taking two-inch steps.

    31. Play the tuba for change.

    32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play
    'Jesus Built My Hotrod'.

    33. Record belches on electronic sampling
    keyboards, and perform gastric versions of
    Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

    34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which
    leading cold remedy will 'give you a really
    wicked buzz'.

    35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether
    they have 'any giant crap made out of straw'.

    36. 'Toast' plastic gag hot dogs in front of the
    fake fireplace display.

    37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand
    them out as religious tracts.

    38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and
    someone to push you around in it.

    39. Change every tv in the electronics department
    to a station showing 'Saved by the Bell'.
    Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and
    scream if anyone tries to switch channels on
    one of the sets.

    40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the
    furniture department wearing a Navy uniform.
    Occasionally run around in circles yelling
    'scratch one flattop!'

    41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing
    room attendant and scornfully announce that
    none of them are 'leakproof'.

    42. 'Play' the demo modes of video games at the
    arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

    43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing
    your head up and down.

    44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar
    bills to provoke arguments over whether
    they're real.

    45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit
    on *your* lap.

    46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring
    in department stores and say 'Domino's.'

    47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while
    occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

    48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your
    back permed.

    49. Show people your driver's license and demand
    to know 'whether they've seen this man.'

    50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return
    fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your
    mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned
    blue yet.