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For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules when ....

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by Pave Pilot, Apr 14, 2004.

  1. Pave Pilot

    Pave Pilot

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    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2000
    Location:
    NW Florida
    (Ladies, sorry to say, but this is kinda true!!!)

    For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the Rules when
    dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to
    understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one
    single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
    points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any
    points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is
    played.

    Here is a guide to the points system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES:
    You make the bed.....+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
    You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....-1
    When the Kleenex runs out you u! se the next bathroom.....-2
    You go out to buy her a treat......+5
    In the snow .....+8
    But return with beer.....-5
    And no treat.....-25
    You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
    You pummel it with a six iron....+10
    It's her cat.....-40

    AT THE PARTY:
    You stay by her side the entire party.....+1
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
    drinking buddy.....-2
    Named Tiffany....-4
    Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
    With breast implants.....-18

    HER BIRTHDAY:
    You remember her birthday.....0
    You buy a card and flowers.....0
    You take her out to dinner.....0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
    It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
    the colors of y! our favorite team.....-10

    A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
    Go with a pal.....0
    The pal is happily married.....+1
    The pal is single.....-7
    He drives a Ferrari.....-10
    With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

    A NIGHT OUT WITH HER:
    You take her to a movie.....+2
    You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
    You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
    You take her to a movie you like....-2
    It's called Death Cop III.....-3
    Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

    YOUR PHYSIQUE:
    You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
    You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
    You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
    Hawaiian shirts.....-30
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

    THE BIG QUESTION: She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
    You hesitate in responding.....-10
    You reply, "Where?".....-35
    You reply, "No, I think it's your ***"......- 100
    Any other response.....-20

    COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:
    You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
    You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
    You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
    You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying well,
    what do you think I should do?".....- 100
    You have fallen asleep....-200

    IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH:
    You talk.....-100
    You don't talk.....-150
    You spend time with her......-200
    You don't spend time with her.....-500
    You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000

    Game Over - YOU LOSE