For the stupid one

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by decibels5, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. decibels5

    decibels5

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    I have been reading quite a few threads on here in which some people are doing some stupid sh1t. This is for the stupid people. I am still looking for one for gun safety. :tongueout:

    The Guide

    • Don't eat rocks.
    • Don't take naps in the road.
    • Don't stoke fires with your fingers.
    • Don't throw a brick straight up. DONT SHOOT YOUR GUN STRAIGHT UP, EITHER!
    • Don't breathe car exhaust.
    • If you ever meet the President, don't offer him the surprise gift of a firearm by whipping it suddenly out of your coat pocket.
    • For all pertinent tasks, use a hammer, not your fist.
    • Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
    • Don't stargaze with friends on a hilltop in a thunderstorm and use metal fishing rods as pointers.
    • The stuff on the bottom of your shoe is not for internal consumption.
    • If you need to get somewhere, and a freight train heading in the direction you're traveling just happens to be nearby, resist the urge to stand in front of it and grab hold as it passes.
    • If you want to pound on the radiator to tell the landlord to turn up the heat, don't do it with your head.
    • Don't flip off the Mafia.
    • If you're riding a bicycle down a hill, turn your head before you spit.
    • Wash behind your ears, not behind your eyes.
    • Light birthday cake candles from back to front.
    • Don't shave with a lawn mower.
    • Just because your body has orifices doesn't mean you should put things into them.
    • Don't stick screwdrivers into electrical outlets.
    • Although they are sold in grocery stores, batteries are not food. Do not break them open and drink what's inside.
    • The warning "Don't try this at home" really means "Don't try this at all."
    • Don't bathe in a tub full of snow.
    • Don't iron clothes while wearing them.
    • The expression "Life in the fast line" should not inspire you to live in the road.
    • Don't eat hot coals.
    • Don't escape in to jail.
    • Don't wash floors with cough syrup.
    • Don't kick porcupines with bare feet.
    • Don't sled down hills with interstates at the bottom.
    • Sell at most one of your kidneys.
    • Don't lie down in a cattle pen.
    • Forks need carry food no farther than your mouth.
    • Don't test the strength of your skull with a nail gun.
    • Only squeeze the handle end of a sword.
    • Don't snap towels at passing cops.
    • Don't throw an angry cat straight up.
    • Don't lick dry ice.
    • Before you leap upside down onto a trampoline, make sure it's right side up.
    • Don't pour salt in your eyes.
    • Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.
    • Don't microwave yourself.
    • Don't chase a bear into the woods to get a close-up photo.
    • Don't swallow toothpaste.
    • Don't chew Tylenol.
    • Don't bathe in gasoline.
    • Don't sneak up to a stallion and whack it on the rump.
    • Don't drink water that comes from swimming pools, puddles, bathtubs, dishpans, sewage pipes, radiators, oceans, acid rain, or toilet bowls.
    • Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
    • Don't listen to music from the Spice Girls.
    • Don't lick toads, bulls, or jellyfish.
    • Don't go swimming in a well.
    • Rake leaves, not people.
    • Shovels are for digging holes in the ground, not the floor of your house.
    • Contrary to popular opinion, you're not supposed to strip the protective rubber coating off electrical wires before plugging them in.
    • If you want to chew gum, buy some. Don't use the gum from underneath the seats at schools and movie theaters even though it's free.
    • Don't kick stone walls very hard without wearing thick-soled shoes or boots.
    • Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, don't jump out of a window -- use the stairs.
    • When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it's sufficiently hot.
    • Better yet, stay away from acetylene torches altogether.
    • Walking barefoot in the sand is good. Walking barefoot on a cactus is bad.
    • Elvis is dead. Get over it.
    • Wear clothes.
    • Use a pot holder when removing items from the oven.
    • If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
    • Don't drink.
    • Don't drive.
    • Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.
    • Don't brush your teeth with a wire-bristled sanding wheel.
    • When using a weed whacker, don't hold the end with the wire.
    • When using a blow gun -- something you should always have a very good reason for doing anyway -- draw your breath before placing your lips around the barrel.
    • No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
    • Give me all your money.
    • When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
    • Toasters should be used to cook bread, not your hands.
    • Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.
     
  2. mrbunky

    mrbunky

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    you left out
    never spend the nite in a barn that has human ears nailed to the wall
    never slow dance with a girl if her adams apple is larger than yours
    never pee on a electric fence
    never let a special ed. student do your taxes
    when making prank calls don't give your real name
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2010

  3. lee2

    lee2

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    never post lists on Glocktalk.
    :supergrin:
     
  4. the iceman

    the iceman Proud Veteran CLM

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    What if it is chewable Tylenol?
     
  5. rfenster

    rfenster CLM

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    The Stupid One

    hmm, sounds like a Glock Talk userid.
     
  6. wavetrain75

    wavetrain75 Useless Member

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  7. jtull7

    jtull7 Pistolero CLM

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    Very fine list. That could almost be a best-selling book. Very well done. I will try, my very best, to refrain from your listed actions and items. If I do, my life will be better.
     
  8. j-glock22

    j-glock22

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    -Don't even think about hitting Okie's 100000 posts