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Figured any of you that had owned or worked on British iron would find at

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by lethal tupperwa, Mar 30, 2003.

  1. lethal tupperwa

    lethal tupperwa

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    Figured any of you that had owned or worked on British iron would find at
    least one of these to like.

    A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes.
    (courtesy of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club, February 2001)

    The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

    Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden,
    unexpected darkness"

    Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

    Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

    The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
    switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

    The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

    "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

    If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

    Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

    It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's
    Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

    Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked
    the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all
    look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing
    happens!"

    Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
    manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which
    didn't suck.

    Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had
    trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

    Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

    Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the
    Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

    Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check
    the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise
    around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your
    unworthy servant."

    Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
     
  2. JennYe

    JennYe

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    Ah-men.
    Jaguar
    TR-4
    Spitfire
    Sprite X 3

    Don't get me started on Whitworth.