Three guys were in bar discussing fastest thing on the planet. First one says " the fastest thing must be electricity because as soon as you flick on the light switch the light comes on". Second guy says " nope the fastest thing must be speech, because as soon as you say something then somebody hears you". The third guy says " you are both wrong, the fastest thing on the planet must be diarrhea". "Why do you think that ask the other two"? "Well i had diarrhea last week and before I could turn the light on or tell someone I'd pooped myself"!