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Engagement Advice

Discussion in 'The Okie Corral' started by puckhead, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. puckhead

    puckhead

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    Other than don't do it! Lol

    Any way, I plan on proposing soon to the gf. She has a kid, so I have come up with a few ideas.

    1. Don't include the kid in anything for the day. Have a relaxed romantic day.

    2. Include the kiddo in everything and have a fun day. Everyone would have fun and be involved.

    3. Kid is involved in day activities and proposal but then goes to the baby sitter so we can have a romantic dinner.

    She will like anything I do, just trying to get input. Especially from people who have been there or are single moms.

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  2. puckhead

    puckhead

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    Bump for day shift!

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  3. jason10mm

    jason10mm NRA-GOA-TSRA

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    Have you guys unofficially "agreed" to get married, i.e. is she just waiting for the proposal, but you know she is gonna say yes? If so, then go for the craziest possible proposal, so at least it will be memorable. If the kid is young and his/her other parent isn't active in their life, go ahead and use him. Being there might help him buy into mommy getting a new partner (unless you are the default dad already). But if their dad is around, I'd leave the kid out.

    If you are not sure if she will say yes, then I wuold do it in a private, discrete location where she won't feel pressured to say yes and you can deal with things if she says no. In my experience (granted, n of 1 :) I basically knew she was gonna say yes, so I could have had her whole family there and it wouldn't have changed things. But to place pressure on her to deliver a specific answer might set up issues down the road if she starts wanting to back out (kind of like how women threaten to leave if they don't get a ring).
     
  4. puckhead

    puckhead

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    She definitely knows she is getting it. We have tasked about it plenty. She just doesn't know when out how yet. I have some plans, I just don't want to go over board and have no money left for other things.

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  5. captainstormy

    captainstormy

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    If your pretty sure she will say yes and your basically the kids father figure already, I'd say maybe have the kid give her the ring. Something to the effect of "Mommy look what I found" or something.

    If your not sure she would say yes, or your not basically already the kids father figure I'd say something more private would be best.

    FWIW, I proposed to my Fiancee in my apartment. If I had made some sort of grand romantic display she would have seen it coming a mile away. I also did it on like a Tuesday night, since the weekend is the obvious time. I wanted her to be surprised. And she was.
     
  6. stolenphot0

    stolenphot0 RTF2 Addict

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    I say include the kid, especially if you play a role in their life already. A friend of mine, had an 8 year old at the time, was proposed to by her boyfriend - the boyfriend asked the daughter if he could marry her mommy, daughter said yes, so he then turned to the mommy and asked her. They had been together a few years. It was cute for their situation, but may not work for yours.
     
  7. larry_minn

    larry_minn Silver Member Millennium Member

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    IMO getting kid involved is great. Depending on age asking kid first (for permission) might be great. Even if you don't plan to officially adopt the kid. (can be $$$) Make sure you get "Medical power of attorney" (type) stuff signed/etc. Otherwise many places "can't" give you info, respect your wishes for care, hand kid over to you if the mother is injured.

    (just something to look into) with someone who knows (not some guy who heard this stuff yrs ago)

    good luck.
     
  8. Batesmotel

    Batesmotel

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    I like #3 but including the kid could be cool depending on age and other factors.

    Don't get too wrapped up in the plans. Mine all went to crap. Emergency at work (self employed) delayed the evening a couple of hours and a bad, fast moving snowstorm messed everything else up. Finally just asked and gave her the ring in my jeep as we were sitting in front of a little 24 hr a day diner that was closing because of the storm.
     
  9. GlockinNJ

    GlockinNJ

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    No, really. Don't.

    Or if you must, move your money into a secret off shore account.
     
  10. aplcr0331

    aplcr0331 Compulsory Collectivisim

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    I have a great marriage and we just spent our 14th wedding anniversay in Las Vegas. I would not get married if I were you. That being said. Put as much, or better yet even more, planning into your actual marriage.

    Where's the father of the child? Is he still in the picture?

    Good luck.
     
  11. youngdocglock

    youngdocglock

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    Op..i my friend am in the same boat. Except the kid........but i unlike you have NO ideas what so ever. just a ring and hopes haha
     
  12. GreenDrake

    GreenDrake Rip Lips

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    Take the kid out to lunch and ask his permission. Include him in everything.
     
  13. jpa

    jpa CLM

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    Good idea. Send mommy to a spa for a facial and massage or something, tell her she needs some "alone time" and you take the kid to McD's for a happy meal. Ask him what he thinks about you moving in and living with mommy and stuff. If he's on board, give him the ring when you pick mommy up from the spa and have him tell her "look what I found" or something equally cute. Have a babysitter lined up and dinner reservations so when she says yes you take her home to get dressed, drop the kid at the sitter's and have your alone time.

    Just how I'd do it.
     
  14. TheExplorer

    TheExplorer

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    #3 Best of both worlds.
     
  15. Mrs. VR

    Mrs. VR Sharon, you will be missed.

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    I like including the child as much as possible. Is it a boy or a girl? Age?
     
  16. Louisville Glocker

    Louisville Glocker Urban Redneck

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    Don't do it....(I warned ya)
     
  17. Bilbo Bagins

    Bilbo Bagins Slacked jawed

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    Ask her parents permission first, then get them involved with the decision with what to do with the kid. You figure the Grandparents can be there for the proposal and take the little tike off your hands for the romantic time after.

    I think it really depends how old the kid is, how long you have been dating, and if the kid likes you as a potential dad. My advice is to definately let the kid know it coming, but young kids have a tough time keeping big secrets from mom.
     
  18. puckhead

    puckhead

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    Thanks for all the advice guys! I have already asked the parents, so that is out of the way. They aren't around much though.

    I am planning on talking with the kid too. I really like the idea of him giving her the ring. I think that would be great!

    He is almost 5yo. He likes me and has wanted this to happen for a while. His dad is still in the picture every other weekend but is a d bag.

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  19. aplcr0331

    aplcr0331 Compulsory Collectivisim

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    You've seen the man in action with his son? Does he beat the kid? Mistreat him in anyway? Should his visitation rights be terminated?

    Or are you just going by what the woman says? Does the kid not want to be around his real Dad? Are you getting both sides of the story?
     
  20. puckhead

    puckhead

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    Wtf!? Of course I have both sides. I am paying for the lawyer. Just cause the kid isn't abused doesn't mean he isn't a dbag. He is not parent material at all. He has prior restraining orders against him from her.

    Non of this maters for the engagement or my plans though. Thanks.

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    Last edited: Aug 9, 2012