Employee evaluations

Discussion in 'The Lighter Side' started by DCSO0322, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. DCSO0322

    DCSO0322 GIGGITY

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    Point of no return
    For anyone who has ever had to give a performance
    evaluation to an employee - just remember, it could
    have been worse. These are actual quotes taken
    from Federal Government employee performance
    evaluations.

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
    rock-bottom and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been,
    but more of a definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
    cornered like a rat in a trap."

    5. "When she opens her mouth, it is only to change
    feet."

    6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    7. "He sets low personal standards and then
    consistently fails to achieve them."

    8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
    an idiot."

    9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
    starts, the better."

    10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
    to hold it all together."

    11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
    ordinary ignoramus."

    12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
    room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
    bored, he's the other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
    glued on."

    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science... he wasn't using
    it anyway."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the
    train isn't coming."

    24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
    other is out looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
    watered twice a week."

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
    get change."

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
    the ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other
    sperm."

    29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

    30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
    only gargled."

    31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

    32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"